I have a wife like this lady !!!!!!!!!

on about apprentices and the like .heres a good one for you.......i train the odd aprentice up as sheet metal workers   or welders in my yard from time to time   ..sometimes if they get to cocky   ..il smoke half a cig .then put lit cig in **** pocket ofsaid apprentice in his overhalls   ......then i sit back for ten mins chuckling away to myself untill it burns through his overhalls and then to his jeans  then trougth his boxers  ...then watch him jump up and down as he trys to show us all a new dance  routine thats even a boy band would be proud off

I haven't heard of it, but I suppose it will be yanky if it exists.

The only rotary's I had anything to do with were the Lynx, and the Wessex, and I was normally being dangled from those, getting wet, in the name of training.

Otherwise I was "fixed wing".

My dad told me not to use a stilson, always use the proper size of spanner in the first instance.  Comes from him doing his marine engineering apprentice with Shell Tankers.

Working in the construction industry our favourite one apart form the 'go get a bubble for my spirit level' is when guys are in for training and they ask how such a part of a building or bridge is held up the response is 'Easy by Sky hook'.

Andrew

Edited by Andrew Rolland

Ah, called the 'long stand' around here.
scratch head, look round, says to apprentice 'can see a couple of short and medium ones, but no long ones.. go to store and ask for a long stand will you..' and maybe, 'while your at it ask for a tin of elbow grease and a left handed screwdriver, this ones no good'

There is such a thing as 'plastic wood' though, a mate found this out when he thought he was being wound up, he didnt bother looking for it instead he just wasted half an hour standing around chatting. Was told off when he got back without it.. (In his deffence, he'd just been got with the long stand one..)

For what use it was, he probably thought he'd shove it up his.. anyway, on a similar theme a lad on a building site was aked to get a rubber hammer, which he did to the amazment of the blokes that asked him for it.. (turns out his dad had one in the back shed, and told him it was there in case of just a moment)

He couldn't find any glass nails though..

Next time your Mrs asks you to put shelves and the like (as they do just after you have sat down to watch the footy on the tele) inform her that you can't because your spirit level is broken and if she wants the shelves up she must go to the local diy store to purchase a replacement bubble for your spirit level while you get the rest of the tools out etc.

Await one very confused female arriving back from aforementioned diy store and have a right good laff at her expense!

Andrew

 

Oh yes, loads of fun alerts, even better the dreaded tacivals !!

Unlike Ian I didnt have to take part though, RHIP lol

Nigel wrote: The original story was passed to me of course, this one really is my wife ! After passing her test, her first unsupervised drive was over the other side of the city to her sisters. I received a phone call to say her car wouldn't start. I placed the children in my car, put my tools in the back, drove over to her sisters ................ it wouldn't "start" because the steering lock was on !

My wife did the exact same thing except she called the AA just wished i'd been there!she has been driving now for 4years and has never used the steering lock since lol!

Edited by jamie (e39)528i

It's not just women who do silly things.

When I was at 6th form college one of the lads I new was trying to fill up his windscreen wash bottle. However he got the wrong filler cap and ended up putting a litre of water into the engine!

On a slightly different note a mate of mine who owns an Alfa (foolish man) was in the dealers once collecting his car after a service. There was an older lady in front of him who was also collecting her car. She was commenting on how the courtesy car always felt a lot better to drive than her own despite them being exactly the same model. Yes said the service manger, the mechanic who did the road test noticed your car was a bit sluggish, but we couldn't find anything wrong with it. How do you drive it? Oh very carefully she said. I never go above 3000rpm. The service manager then spent the next five minutes explaining to her that 16valve engines need to be revved, even if only occaisionally to keep then running well.

The same guys dad owns an Audi A3 and he asked him if he would drive it as he was having problems with it stalling. He drove the car for about an hour and it never stalled once, although his dad did tell him off for going over 4000rpm, in case he damaged the engine! He then suggested that him and his dad swap places. The first junction they came too the car stalled when pulling away. The reason? His dad was not giving it enough revs. His last car was a diesel.

 

The original story was passed to me of course, this one really is my wife !

After passing her test, her first unsupervised drive was over the other side of the city to her sisters.

I received a phone call to say her car wouldn't start.

I placed the children in my car, put my tools in the back, drove over to her sisters ................ it wouldn't "start" because the steering lock was on !