sense of humour needed

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   The other day I was cruising along as usual in my BMW coming onto one of my motorways, which was very busy with inferior cars. 

First off, I couldn't believe that the volume of traffic DIDN'T slow down for me AT ALL as I came off the slip road! I had to squeeze into a barely big enough gap between two cars in order to get onto my motorway! (The driver of the car behind me did realise his mistake though and honked an apology to me with a long blast of his horn.) 

Unbelievably, I had to do the same again before I could get to the BMW lane. (Why do underlings use this lane? Surely everyone knows it is for BMW drivers only?) 

Anyway, once I was in the BMW lane and posing along at 110mph enjoying the adulation that the inferior car drivers were giving me, I noticed an inferior car ahead of me which was not only in the BMW lane of my motorway, but was driving at a ridiculous 70 mph! 

Naturally, I got to within a foot or so of his rear bumper and flashed my headlights to remind him he shouldn't be in the BMW lane of my motorway and to get out of my way. 

Of course, once he realised it was a BMW behind him, he did just that, but I could hardly believe it when he pulled straight back out behind me! He also tried to keep up with me and when he realised I would out-run him, he put on some blue lights in his front grill and urged me to get onto the hard shoulder so that he could congratulate me on my excellent car. 

Needless to say, I was eager to oblige and when we had stopped, the man gave me a piece of paper confirming what I already knew - that my car goes fast! Apparently he wants everyone to know what a superior car I have, so I had to take my driver's licence to a Police Station to be sent away to have some points put on! (They're not free points either - they're �20 each and I was only allowed 3.) But the man at the Police Station said that because I drive a BMW, it won't be much longer before I earn the full 12 points, and then I won't even NEED a driving licence, so they will take it off me! See, now That�s the sort of respect you get when you buy and drive a BMW.

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daddy cool Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Really Senior Member II Joined: 27-October-2003 Location: Sussex Status: Offline Points: 691	Topic: sense of humour needed Posted: 28-January-2005 at 13:35
	The other day I was cruising along as usual in my BMW coming onto one of my motorways, which was very busy with inferior cars. First off, I couldn't believe that the volume of traffic DIDN'T slow down for me AT ALL as I came off the slip road! I had to squeeze into a barely big enough gap between two cars in order to get onto my motorway! (The driver of the car behind me did realise his mistake though and honked an apology to me with a long blast of his horn.) Unbelievably, I had to do the same again before I could get to the BMW lane. (Why do underlings use this lane? Surely everyone knows it is for BMW drivers only?) Anyway, once I was in the BMW lane and posing along at 110mph enjoying the adulation that the inferior car drivers were giving me, I noticed an inferior car ahead of me which was not only in the BMW lane of my motorway, but was driving at a ridiculous 70 mph! Naturally, I got to within a foot or so of his rear bumper and flashed my headlights to remind him he shouldn't be in the BMW lane of my motorway and to get out of my way. Of course, once he realised it was a BMW behind him, he did just that, but I could hardly believe it when he pulled straight back out behind me! He also tried to keep up with me and when he realised I would out-run him, he put on some blue lights in his front grill and urged me to get onto the hard shoulder so that he could congratulate me on my excellent car. Needless to say, I was eager to oblige and when we had stopped, the man gave me a piece of paper confirming what I already knew - that my car goes fast! Apparently he wants everyone to know what a superior car I have, so I had to take my driver's licence to a Police Station to be sent away to have some points put on! (They're not free points either - they're �20 each and I was only allowed 3.) But the man at the Police Station said that because I drive a BMW, it won't be much longer before I earn the full 12 points, and then I won't even NEED a driving licence, so they will take it off me! See, now That�s the sort of respect you get when you buy and drive a BMW.
	e30 2.7 cab e30 325i e30 325 sport e30 318 touring e28 m5 e28 m535 e34 m5 e39 540 e36 318ti (green) e36 318ti (mauve)

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Rhys Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Moderator Group Coffee addict... Joined: 02-February-2003 Location: from the Latin locātiō Status: Offline Points: 10053	Posted: 28-January-2005 at 14:26
	Seen this before, still funny. On one forum, it was mentioned that BMW's come equiped with door magnets, that instantly drag them to the fast (BMW) Lane.
	V reg Rustbucket Merc C220 Cdi estate J Reg Saab 900i 16v '63 Ford Anglia 105e deluxe R reg Honda PC50 moped.. No BMW as yet...

rubberknees50 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Really Senior Member II Does it have chrome bumpers? Joined: 26-July-2004 Location: Telford, Shropshire Status: Offline Points: 1074	Posted: 28-January-2005 at 21:35
	I got stopped once during my motorbike days racing a friend down a London back road in the witching hour. Had a conversation where officers said things like "going fast, sonny" " got any points, sonny" "want a full set, sonny" and only sane response "yes officer" or "no officer" being careful to get them in the right place! Of course I wouldn't DREAM of doing things like that now.......IanT
	IanT E28 528, E23 735

Rhys Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Moderator Group Coffee addict... Joined: 02-February-2003 Location: from the Latin locātiō Status: Offline Points: 10053	Posted: 28-January-2005 at 22:09
	I think the police have developed a 'Humour Magnet', unfortunatly the prototypes were rather large, hence the big pointy helmets of the day (still in use as well, usefull for carrying sandwiches and stuff I shouldn't wonder) Anyway, placing the 'Humour Magnet' one ones head draws all sense of fun and laughter out of the wearer.. Bit like the film Halloween, with the pumpkin masks, They have also developed a device to make you feel guilty for anything you may have not done. They set it, to say speeding, then collar someone who immediatly starts panicking and ownng up to doing 31 in a 30 zone.. I'm making all this up of course.. Edited by Rhys
	V reg Rustbucket Merc C220 Cdi estate J Reg Saab 900i 16v '63 Ford Anglia 105e deluxe R reg Honda PC50 moped.. No BMW as yet...

Andrew Rolland Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Moderator Group Go away rain Joined: 19-August-2004 Location: Scotland Status: Offline Points: 6579	Posted: 30-January-2005 at 07:09
	Excellent
	Be exclusive and drive a Petrol 5 Series! Current '13 62 F10 535i MSport Auto Previous '04 04 E60 545i SE Auto '03 53 E60 545i SE Auto (Stolen) '98 S E39 523i SE Auto

rubberknees50 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Really Senior Member II Does it have chrome bumpers? Joined: 26-July-2004 Location: Telford, Shropshire Status: Offline Points: 1074	Posted: 31-January-2005 at 19:34
	Reminds me of a joke a motor insurance friend of mine told me about a speeding motorist who claimed to be a **** stretcher, not suitable for the forum unfortunately! Careful Rhys, some areas were talking about zero tolerance speed checks, 1mph over and nick nick. How they could prove you hadn't just hit a pothole in the road as the camera flashed or similar I don't know.
	IanT E28 528, E23 735