One Chicken, One Road, Many Reasons

Derek M5 wrote: Our little 18 hp yard-man isn't man enough for our garden so she wants a tractor and topper!

Get a couple of goats, or a horse, or a donkey or some sheep..they keep the grass down and provide you with fringe benefits too

Derek M5 wrote: Got a sheep, so far he's eaten 18 of the 22 lavender plants we put in as edging for the path! Will he eat the mint? Will he eat the Rosemary?

Whys not plant Rosemary and Mint where the Lavender was and see if it gets eaten..if it does, then his future is assured cos he will reak of the stuff when roasted

Derek M5 wrote: Not for eating unfortunately, we got this one as a day old wretch and hand reared him, Nicky has plans for him as a Stud Ram, Benjy has thoughts of him as a female companion - well Briards are Shepherds at heart!!

Well if he carries on eating the smellies, he might give his prospective 'partner' the wrong idea

And back to the chickens...

George Orwell: Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.

O.J. Simpson: It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.

A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature the vet pronounces it dead. Not happy with the vet's diagnosis the man asks for a second opinion. The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog. The dog nudges the hamster around with its nose and sniffs it a couple of times before shaking his head. "There" says the vet,” Your hamster is dead". Still not happy the man asks for a third opinion. The vet opens the back door and in bounds a cat. The cat jumps onto the table and looks the hamster up and down for a few minutes before looking up and shaking it's head. "It's definitely dead sir", says the vet. Convinced, the man enquires how much he owes. "That will be £1000, please". "A £1000 just to tell me my hamster is dead" fumes the man. "Well", says the vet, "There's my diagnosis, the lab report and the cat scan".

Lab report & cat scan....

I don't care.....

A couple is dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They phone for a cab, turn on a night light, cover their pet parakeet and put the cat out in the back yard.

The taxi arrives, and they open the front door to leave. Suddenly the cat they put out scoots back into the house. They don't want the cat shut in there because she always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes back in. The cat runs upstairs, with the man in hot pursuit.

The wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty. She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later the husband gets into the cab.

"Sorry I took so long," he says, as they drive away. "Stupid hag was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat butt downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!

Idunnowhyitdidthat??

Far too complex for a simpleton like me.........

A skydiver is enjoying his free-fall, when he realizes that he has reached the altitude where he must open his parachute, he pulls the ripcord, but nothing happens. “No problem,” he says to himself, “I still have my emergency chute.” So he pulls the ripcord on his emergency parachute, and once again, nothing happens. Now the man begins to panic. “What am I going to do?” He thinks. “I’m a goner.”
Just then, he sees a man flying up from the earth toward him. He can’t figure out where this man is coming from or what he’s doing, but he says to himself, “I hope he can help me. If he can’t, then I’m in real trouble.” When the man gets close enough to him, the skydiver cups his hands and shouts, “Hey, do you know anything about parachutes?”
The man coming up cups his hands and yells back, “No! Do you know anything about gas stoves?”

Edited by Derek M5