here you go part II

And finally folks - as I'm sure a mod will get bored with this thread soon ..............

 

Merry Christmas everybody - and I hope Santa gives you everything you deserve!

 

(disclaimer: - this picture was found via a image search on 'sexy santa' - with moderate safe search on (the default) - so there! )

Edited by thepits

ok - It's the New Year, so here we go again ...........

One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor."

 

His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.

 

Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about and it will only costs you $10.00."

 

Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.

 

The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:

 

1. You have tennis elbow.

2. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.

3. It will be better in two weeks.......

 

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled.

 

He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

 

He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its alights, and printed out the following analysis:

 

1. Your tap water is too hard.

2. Get a water softener.

3. Your dog has ringworm.

4. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.

5. Your daughter is using cocaine.

6. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.

7. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

8. And if you don't stop masturbating, your elbow will never get better....

 

Horsetan wrote:

glad you liked it. Here's some more clean ones ..........

 

** How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?

Both of them.

** Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.

** What is the difference between men and government bonds?
The bonds mature.

** How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know; it has never happened.

** Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends.

** What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow.

** When do you care for a man's company?
When he owns it.

** How are men and parking spots alike?
Good ones are always taken.
Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely short.

** What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
They're married.

(It can't last? Can it?)

Ise back!!!!

Landed at Leeds about 2.45pm, suitcase missing somewhere tween Buenos Aires and Heathrow, but apart from that the holiday was PERFECT!!!!!



Hope you all had a great Christmas & New Year

billgates e30 wrote: welcome back Ally....at least they lost the case on the way back and not on the way out....there would have been nowt but trouble otherwise

and think of all the lovely new clothes you can buy with the insurance when you don't get it back / it comes back with all your armani missing!

 

Edited by thepits

Iberia are in deep doo-doo with me but not just cos they lost the suitcase...a huge 30kg thing with dayglo straps around it...but they stuffed up two of the 4 flights aswell.

They go on my blacklist along with British Airways and a few others now.

The suitcase arrived by courier this afternoon, Iberia put it on wrong flight out of Buenos Aires...it went to Toronto instead of the direct Madrid flight

Just a few of the 300 or so photo's....

Moonrise over the UK on way to Heathrow

Entering Patagonic Channels

Valparaiso

Cape Horn

One of the many glaciers

PENGUINS!!!!!

Rhys wrote: ...Take it you didn't catch a lift on the Titanic then

Funny you should ask, Rhys, but when taking this pic through the porthole of my cabin the theme song of Titanic was the background music on the bow camera shots on telly...

Horsetan wrote: PENGUINS!!!!! Yay!

 MORE PENGUINS!!!!!!!!!!

 

i want one.....do they come in red too