here you go part III

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1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour 
a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be 
instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by 
getting someone else to hold them while you chop away. 

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat 
by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and 
bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your 
 veins.            - Remember to use a timer. 

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will 
prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the 
snooze button. 

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, 
then you will be afraid to cough. 

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you 
will forget about the toothache. 

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: 
          You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duck Tape.
          If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
          If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

          Remember:
          Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; 
you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.