APPLICATION FOR A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

Name of Boyfriend/Fianc�/Husband:                                                                                                           

I request permission for a leave of absence from the highest authority in my life for the following period:

Date:                                           Time of departure:                                        NOT to exceed:                          

Should permission be granted, I do solemnly swear to only visit the locations stated below, at the stated times. I agree to refrain from hitting on or flirting with other women.  I shall not even speak to another female, except as expressly permitted in writing below. I will not turn off my mobile after two pints, nor shall I consume above the allowed volume of alcohol without first phoning for a taxi AND calling you for a verbal waiver of said alcohol allowance. I understand that even if permission is granted to go out, my girlfriend/fianc�/wife retains the right to be pissed off with me the following week for no valid reason whatsoever.

Amount of alcohol allowed (units)      Beer                  Wine                    Liquor                      Total

Locations to be visited

Females with whom conversation

is permitted

IMPORTANT � STRIPPER CLAUSE: Not withstanding the female contact permitted above, I promise to refrain from coming within one hundred (100) feet of a stripper or exotic dancer.  Violation of this Stripper Clause shall be grounds for immediate termination of the relationship.

I acknowledge my position in life. I know who wears the trousers in our relationship, and I agree it�s not me. I promise to abide by your rules & regulations. I understand that this is going to cost me a fortune in chocolates & flowers. You reserve the right to obtain and use my credit cards whenever you wish to do so. I hereby promise to take you on an unlimited shopping spree, should I not return home by the approved time. On my way home, I will not pick a fight with any stranger, nor shall I conduct in depth discussions with the said entity. Upon my return home, I promise not to urinate anywhere other than in the toilet. In addition, I will refrain from waking you up, breathing my vile breath in your face, and attempting to breed like a (drunken) rabbit.

Signed - Boyfriend/Fianc�/Husband:

Request is: APPROVED                DENIED

This decision is not negotiable. If approved, cut permission slip below and carry at all times.

"�����������������������������������������

Permission for my boyfriend/fianc�/husband to be away for the following period of time:

Derek M5 wrote: ....I couldn't help noticing that the first mention by SWMBO of us buying another horse - which we just happen to have been looking after for the last couple of months.....

A woman after me own heart....

Derek M5 wrote: ...I have horrible feeling that the next thing on the we need list will be a two horse carriage

what? A bit like this.............

thepits wrote: what? A bit like this.............

Double the size of the horses, lop the roof off the carriage (every family needs one cabriolet) And you'd be heading in the right direction.

Go here to get a better idea of what they're like....

Horse, you'd better ask KB for an old-timers joke section if you're going to carry on like that!

Aircraft Maintenance Problems and Solutions

 Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of

 Humour

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, known as "squawks," submitted by QANTAS pilots and the solution recorded by

maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had a fatal accident.

P [in list below means] - The problem logged by the pilot.

S [in the list below means] - The solution and action taken by the

   engineers

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto land very rough.

S: Auto land not installed on this aircraft.

P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.

S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack

   normal seepage.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick

S: That's what they're there for!

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

Fools....

http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/video/view_broadband/ 519.html

serves them right!

Hey Derek!

look what I've found.......

so, that's what an old-mans-car looks like?

Rossi wrote: Mr blobby returns..guessed this would happen derek...lol - This is all Rhys' fault...

yes, this is all Rhys' fault

http://www.musicpictures.com/propxt/main/search_string~artid :19443::/ltext~Mr%20BLOBBY