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Andrew Rolland 
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Go away rain Joined: 19-August-2004 Location: Scotland Status: Offline Points: 6579 |
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 Topic: 18 days to go till I get married!Posted: 07-August-2007 at 13:19 |
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Well since I posted this post nearly a year has gone by! Two weeks on Saturday and I'll be a married man...and I am seriously bricking it! We were at a wedding a week past on Saturday and there I was sitting listening to the groom with the "I Robert take...." part and it then hit me that this was going to happen to me very shortly and ever since then I have been getting really nervous. Paaaarrrrppppp Got a rough draft of my speech done but just to cheer myself up can anyone on here suggest any clean/ish jokes that I can use in my speech? Andrew |
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nessiemark
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Joined: 02-March-2007 Location: Taunton (Scottish at Heart) Status: Offline Points: 366 |
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Posted: 09-August-2007 at 17:10 |
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No but good luck anyway.
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E36 M3 GT sold
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Big Stuff
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Posted: 09-August-2007 at 17:25 |
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Not too late to back out mate
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2002 330ci SE - Factory Straight - Now gone cause am skint and in a wee diesel - Aw naw - boo hoo
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Allan320
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Posted: 09-August-2007 at 17:29 |
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Good luck mate.
I was at a wedding and the groom told the room booking joke.
"I called the hotel to book our room for after the proceedings. The woman asked me if I would like the bridal, but i said no, Id just rather hold her by the ears, These hotels will do anything to get money out of you :D Lead Brick anyone? |
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Andrew Rolland
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Posted: 13-August-2007 at 08:33 |
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I'll not be saying that one though! |
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kbannon
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Posted: 13-August-2007 at 20:14 |
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1. Many people say that your
wedding day is the happiest day of your life. So, if
that's the case, I'd like to ask the husbands amongst
you, does that mean it's all downhill from here?
2. Being a husband is a whole-time job. That is why so many husbands fail. They cannot give their entire attention to it 3. During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer: "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said: "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?" The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes," then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: "I thought we had a deal." The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer."4. Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence 5. Marriage is a 3-ring circus - engagement ring, wedding ring and Suffering. 6. A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes. 7. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. 8. The definition of a perfect Wife? - one who helps the husband with the dishes... 9. The Minister noticed the bride was in distress so asked what was wrong. She replied that she was awfully nervous and afraid she would not remember what to do. The Minister told her that she only needed to remember 3 things. First the aisle, cos that is what you'll be walking down. Secondly, the alter because that is where you will arrive. Finally, remember hymn because that is a type of song we will sing during the service. While the bride was walking in step with the wedding march, family and friends of the groom were horrified to hear her repeating these 3 words ...Aisle, alter hymn (I'll alter him) 10. A little kid asks his Dad, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" "No idea," replied the Father, "I'm still paying for it..." 11. Marriage - an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters. 12. There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. 13. The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him (Oscar Wilde) 14. The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. 15. Isn't it quite funny how History repeats itself? [Bride's Age] years ago your Mother and Father were putting you to bed with a dummy...and now it's happening all over again 16. I've known many, Liked not a few, Loved only one, I toast to you 17. May we never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten. 18. Here's to my bride: she knows everything about me, yet loves me just the same. Edited by kbannon |
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Rhys
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Posted: 13-August-2007 at 20:51 |
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Just think, you get 15 years for murder.. marriage is for life
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540 V8
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Posted: 13-August-2007 at 21:23 |
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Sounds like Killian is the man to hire for your wedding for entertainment lol! Good luck mate. I did it 4 years ago and I have no regrets. The hard bit was actually the organisation. Once I got there I don't know why but I had no nerves at all. It'll all be over in a flash! One thing I was told by a few people was no matter how much you drink on your wedding day/night, you will not get drunk! I didn't believe a word until I necked 4 bottles of beer at home before we left for the reception then a very large glass of JD with a splash of coke. The rest of the night was spent with friends buying me drinks like absynth and other delights and when we got back to the hotel, I had another few glasses of JD. I felt a little tired but sober as a judge! You'll have to let me know if you get the same! Good luck! Mike |
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kbannon
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Posted: 13-August-2007 at 22:00 |
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Not true:
 Still - it could be like this:  Edited by kbannon |
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dryle
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Joined: 31-January-2006 Location: Enfield. Status: Offline Points: 1348 |
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Posted: 13-August-2007 at 22:45 |
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happened with me drank a bottle of champers b4 weddingand no probs, drank more on the way to the reception, still stone cold sober.
all the best, remember you not only gain a wife...............
you get her mother for free |
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Dave Ryle
 "The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it." -- George Bernard Shaw |
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Andrew Rolland
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Posted: 14-August-2007 at 08:05 |
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Yeah and don't I know it! Cheers K for the jokes. Might drop one or two of those into my speech. I'm not too sure about the staying sober bit even though you are drinking a huge amount....Tell you what I'll practise that at my stag doo! Cheers Andrew |
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540 V8
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Posted: 14-August-2007 at 22:09 |
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Lol, good on ya! Mike |
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Peter Fenwick
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Posted: 15-August-2007 at 12:28 |
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Good luck Andrew. Don't worry, it's not as scary as it seems and i can honestly say that my wedding day was a great day and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Oh and don't worry about the speech. The grooms job is just to thank everyone. It's the best man who is supposed to make everyone laugh. Edited by Peter Fenwick |
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Entering an age of Austerity and now driving a Focus Diesel.
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Andrew Rolland
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Posted: 15-August-2007 at 12:37 |
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.....aye at my expense! |
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Peter Fenwick
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Posted: 15-August-2007 at 12:41 |
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Mine was quite kind. He did make a lot of jokes at my expense but there were a lot of things he could have said but didn't |
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Entering an age of Austerity and now driving a Focus Diesel.
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Andrew Rolland
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Posted: 15-August-2007 at 13:02 |
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Mine has said he won't mention a few things which I'm kinda glad of. It is nothing she doesn't know about but it's not the sort of thing you want your mum and gran knowing about! My Best man got chatting to my old boss at my house warming party earlier in the year and then sent e-mails around the whole office asking if they had any dirt on me to pass on to my best man. Not that he got anything cos I'm a good boy.......... One thing about having a friend who is also into model trains, he can't make fun at me for that at least! Andrew |
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dryle
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Posted: 15-August-2007 at 16:47 |
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But he could always say I was so pleased when I heard that Andrew was marrying XXXXXXX, all his previous girlfriends were complete dogs, so happy to see a few of them here today. |
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Dave Ryle
"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it." -- George Bernard Shaw |
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kbannon
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Posted: 15-August-2007 at 16:49 |
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I was at a wedding recently where the best man referred to the grooms previoius g/fs as dogs and it went down like a lead balloon! |
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dryle
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Posted: 15-August-2007 at 17:07 |
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that was from 4 weddings and a funeral, wetted myself at that |
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Dave Ryle
"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it." -- George Bernard Shaw |
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dryle
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Posted: 15-August-2007 at 17:48 |
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the groom has to thank and compliment the bridesmaids, i was best man for a friend of mine and the bridesmaids were telling me that i had to say it, I told them that i couldnt lie |
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Dave Ryle
"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it." -- George Bernard Shaw |
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18 days to go till I get married!
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Allan320 wrote:
That is a good one!