Nelson Mandela...

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching tv and drinking beer when he hears a knock at the door.

When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling,

'You Sign! You sign!'

Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.


Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder,


'You Sign! You sign!'


Nelson says to him, 'Look, you've obviously got the wrong man', and shuts the door in his face.


The next day he hears a knock at the door again.


When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads.


He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling,


'You sign! You sign!'


Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the little Chinese man back, shouting:


'Look, go away! You've got the wrong man. I don't want them!' Then he slams the door in his face again.


The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again.


On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting,


'You sign! You sign!'


Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts.


This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little Man by his shirt front and yells at him:


'Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?'


The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says:


(It's a beauty)



(Wait for it)




(Get your best Chinese accent ready)

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 



'You not Nissan Main Deala?'

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An Italian, a Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand.

He says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."

To the Irishman he says, "You're in charge of shoveling."

And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."

He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile of sand."

So when the foreman returns, after being away for a couple of hours, the pile of sand is untouched.

He asks the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"

The Italian replies, "I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinese-a fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere."

Then the foreman turns to the Irishman and says, And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile."

The Irishman replies, "Aye, that ye did laddie, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnay fin' him neither."

The foreman is really angry now. He storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy. Just then, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells...

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.

.

.

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"SUPPLIES!!

A woman goes to see her chinese doctor after many years and no sex

doctos says ok, no take of al your crothes and get on the froor

now crawl over to  over side and back to me!!!

 after many times doin this he says to lady,

this is worst case of Ed zachery disese i ever see!!

puzzled the woman says to the doctor what is Ed Zachery disese....

 doctos say when your face look  ED ZACHERY like your ass!!!

Edited by lukeduke

Bloke picks up a hooker in his Transit and asks for a kinky time.

Half way through the session she reaches out and grabs the antenna off the roof and starts whipping him with it.

Despite the fact she's tearing the skin off his back he loves every minute of it and lets her go on for ages.

Next day he's in tatters so goes down to the doctor to get some ointment to rub in the wounds.

The doctor takes one look at his back and says "Jesus, that's the worst case of Van Ariel Disease I've ever seen"

(Footnote: Obviously this joke didn't take place in Ireland. If it had the punchline would read "Jesus, that'll be 50.00 euro please")




Edited by ivanovoitch