Dubin Humour

Subject: Major Earthquake !!!!


A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale has hit Tallaght in
the early hours of Tuesday 2nd December 2003.
Epicentre: The Square Shopping Centre.

   Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering"...bleedin
story?","aaaaawrigh' bud" and "fUUUcksake".

The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately EUR30 worth of
damage.

      Several priceless collections of mementos from Crete and SantaPonza
were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were
disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their welfare cheque arrived.

    The Tallaght News reported that hundreds of residents were confused and
bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that the damage
had
not been caused by illegal means.

    One resident - Alexis Crystal Duffy, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "Ih
was such a f***in' shock, me little wan Chardonnay Mercedes cemrunnin'
into
me bedruem cryin'. Me youngisst two: Tyler-Morgan n Megan-Brooklyn slept
tru ih all.Buh I was still shakin' when I was watchin' f***in'Rikki Lake
leh-er in the f***in' mornin"

    Apparently though, looting, muggings and incidental crime did carry on
as usual.

     The Irish Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of
Strongbow, Dutch Gold, frozen pizza and John Player Blue to the area to
help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the
rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, which
include
welfare books,jewellery including thousands of sovereign rings, many
large
medallions and Hash leaf ear rings from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and fine
Bone China from Tommy's Wonderland of Value.

HOW CAN YOU HELP

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing, parcels for those
unfortunate to be caught up in this disaster.

Clothing is most sought after, items most needed include:

* Fila or Kappa baseball caps,

* Hoodies (any type)

* Tommy Hilfiger tracksuits (his and hers)

* Nike/Adidas Shell suits (female)

* White sport socks Rockport boots and any other items usually sold in TK
Maxx.

* Anything from Magic or Unique Boutique.

     Food parcels may be harder to come by, as refrigeration may be a
problem, but are needed all the same

Required foodstuffs include:

* McCains oven chips

* Heinz baked beans

* Goodfellas Frozen Pizza

* Coke/Fanta

* Strongbow Cider

* Smirnoff Ice.

* John Player Blue 15's. (unmarried mother handy pack)

And remember that your contribution counts!

Just 22c buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms and bookie
slips.
Just EUR5.00 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.

Only EUR6.00 will pay for a packet of 20 Major to calm the nerves of
those
affected.

Note: Please do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of such plush
accommodation is unfair on the population of the local halting sites

We have many places like that in London too! One I know of (2 miles up the road) is called Woolwich, it is pronounced SH*T HOLE.

Symptoms would be much of the same, but most of them will just claim extra benefits instead!

James

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZz oh sorry, this has been going round net for ages, only its been in different places like Birmingham & Liverpool, but I have been told Liverpool is part of Ireland? Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent !!!