Bavarian-Board.co.uk - BMW Owners Discussion Forum Homepage
Forum Home Forum Home > General Forums > General Off Topic Forum
  New Posts New Posts RSS Feed - The Neverending Thread
  FAQ FAQ  Forum Search   Register Register  Login Login

Forum LockedThe Neverending Thread
 Post Reply Post Reply Page  <1 151152153154155 173>
Author
Message
  Topic Search Topic Search  Topic Options Topic Options
Misty Morning View Drop Down
Really Senior Member II
Really Senior Member II
Avatar

Joined: 21-December-2006
Location: Up North
Status: Offline
Points: 1263 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Misty Morning Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04-February-2008 at 23:18
 

I was working in the  garden this weekend and my wife was about to take a shower.
I  realized that I couldn't find the rake. I yelled up to my wife,
 "Where is the  rake?"
  
  She couldn't hear me and  she shouted back, "What?"
  
  I pointed to my eye, and  then I pointed to my knee and made a raking motion.
  
  Then my wife wasn't sure  and said "What?"
  
  I repeated the gestures.  "Eye - Kneed - The Rake"
  
  My wife replied that she  understands and signals back. She first
points to her eye, next she points  to her left breast, then she points to  her
 backside, and finally to  her crotch. Well, there is no way in hell I
could even come close to that  one.
  
  Exasperated, I went  upstairs and asked her, "What  the hell was that?"
  
  She  replies,
  
      "Eye - Left Tit -  Behind - The Bush" !!!! -
 
Back to Top
Sponsored Links


Back to Top
Jack735 View Drop Down
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Avatar

Joined: 14-September-2005
Location: Edinburgh
Status: Offline
Points: 1055 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jack735 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06-February-2008 at 09:13

John and Jack aircraft mechanics at Aberdeen Airport.

 

John and Jack were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics at Aberdeen Airport.

 

One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

 

John said, 'Man, I wish we had something to drink!'

 

Jack says, 'Me too. Y know, Ive heard ye can drink jet fuel an get a buzz. Do you wanna try it?'

 

So they poured themselves a couple of glasses of high octane jet fuel hooch and got completely smashed.

 

The next morning John wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover!  [or should that be hangerover?]

 

NO bad side effects. Nothing!

 

Then the phone rings. It's Jack. Jack says, Hey, how ya feeling the day?'

 

John says, 'Smashing! What about you?'

 

Jack says, 'Brand spanking new! Got a hangover?'

 

John says , 'No that jet fuel is just the dogs b******s! - no hangover, nothing. We should do this more often

 

Jack says 'Aye, well there's just the one thing.'

 

What's that then?'

 

Have you f@rted yet?'

 

'Errrrrr - No '

 

Well, DONT, 'cause I'm in BLUMMIN Norway!

 



Edited by Jack735
Oooh, The machine of a dream, such a clean machine With the pistons a pumpin', and the alloys all gleam, When I'm holding your wheel, All I hear is your gear, With my hand on your grease gun, Mmm it's like a disease son, I'm in love with my car, gotta feel for my automobile, Get a grip on my .......
Back to Top
Rhys View Drop Down
Moderator Group
Moderator Group
Avatar
Coffee addict...

Joined: 02-February-2003
Location: from the Latin locātiō
Status: Offline
Points: 10053 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Rhys Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07-February-2008 at 21:34
Nice 

I used to use av-gas in my old zippo - I think I'm the only one to have a lighter that pinked.
V reg Rustbucket Merc C220 Cdi estate
J Reg Saab 900i 16v
'63 Ford Anglia 105e deluxe
R reg Honda PC50 moped..

No BMW as yet...
Back to Top
thepits View Drop Down
Moderator Group
Moderator Group
Avatar

Joined: 09-July-2003
Location: far far away
Status: Offline
Points: 10000473 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote thepits Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07-February-2008 at 22:50

Originally posted by Rhys Rhys wrote:

I'm the only one to have a lighter that pinked.

did someone mention pink?



Edited by thepits
Cats know your every thought.

But don't care.
Back to Top
thepits View Drop Down
Moderator Group
Moderator Group
Avatar

Joined: 09-July-2003
Location: far far away
Status: Offline
Points: 10000473 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote thepits Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07-February-2008 at 22:53
A tourist walked into a curio/antique shop.

After looking around for a while, he noticed a very life-like bronze Statue of a rat.  It had no price tag, but it was so striking that he decided to buy it anyway.

He took it to the owner and said: "How much is this bronze rat?"

The owner replied: "It's 12 for the rat, and 100 for the story."

The tourist gave the owner his 12 and said: "I'll just take the rat, You can keep the story."

As he walked off down the street, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the sewers and begun following him.

This was a little disconcerting, so he started to walk a little faster, but within a couple of blocks the swarm of rats had grown to hundreds, and they were all squealing and screeching in a very menacing way.

He increased his speed & ran on towards the beach, and as he ran, he Looked behind him and saw the rats now numbered in their MILLIONS, and they were running faster & faster. By now very concerned, he ran to down the pier and threw the bronze Rat far out into the water.

Amazingly, the millions of real rats jumped into the water after it and were all drowned.

The man walked back to relate all this to the shop owner, who said: "Ah, you've come back for the story then?"

"No," said the tourist,
 
 
 
 
"I came back to see if you've got a bronze Muslim Fundamentalist Cleric, a couple of immigrants, a Chelsea supporter, and anything French!"
Cats know your every thought.

But don't care.
Back to Top
thepits View Drop Down
Moderator Group
Moderator Group
Avatar

Joined: 09-July-2003
Location: far far away
Status: Offline
Points: 10000473 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote thepits Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08-February-2008 at 21:38
2007 Darwin Awards
 
Yes, it's again that magical time of the year when the Darwin Awards are bestowed.
 
 
The Honourable Mentions:
 
10. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
 
9. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
 
8. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
 
7. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
 
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer: $15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
 
5. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a brick through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head at the window. The brick bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
 
4. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's the lady I stole the purse from. "
 
3. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan , at 5 am, flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
 
2. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. The police spokesman said the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

 
And....
 
 
 the helpless Winner:

 
1. When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California , would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
Cats know your every thought.

But don't care.
Back to Top
Jack735 View Drop Down
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Avatar

Joined: 14-September-2005
Location: Edinburgh
Status: Offline
Points: 1055 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jack735 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14-February-2008 at 14:35

On honeymoon

 

A man married his new wife. On their honey moon, she told him she was not a virgin. He said no big deal, I didn't expect in this day and age you would be.

She said the only man she had ever been with was Tiger Woods.

As they finished consummating their marriage, the man got up and went to the phone. She asked, what are you doing. He replied, "I am calling room service, i am hungry."

 

She said, "thats not what Tiger would do, he would come back and we would do it again." So he climbed back into bed and once they were through, he again went to the phone. She asked, "what are you doing?" Again, he said I am calling room service." She again says, "thats not what Tiger would do." So he climbed back into bed and they went again. This time when they finished, he went to the phone, the new bride said, " I know you are not calling room service."

The man said, "No, I'm calling Tiger Woods to ask him what par is for this hole."
Oooh, The machine of a dream, such a clean machine With the pistons a pumpin', and the alloys all gleam, When I'm holding your wheel, All I hear is your gear, With my hand on your grease gun, Mmm it's like a disease son, I'm in love with my car, gotta feel for my automobile, Get a grip on my .......
Back to Top
steven.seed View Drop Down
Really Senior Member II
Really Senior Member II
Avatar

Joined: 24-June-2005
Location: Sale, Cheshire
Status: Offline
Points: 1507 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote steven.seed Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14-February-2008 at 18:01

Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar.

Tiger turns to Stevie and says, "How's the singing career going?"

Stevie replies, "Not too bad... How's the golf?"

Woods replies, "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right now".

Stevie says, "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it.Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right."

Tiger says, "You play golf?"

Stevie says, "Yes, I've been playing for years".

,Tiger says, "But, you're blind. How can you play golf if you can't see?"

Stevie Wonder replies, "I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice."

"But, how do you putt?" asks Tiger.

"Well", says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole And call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice."

Tiger asks, "What's your handicap?"

Stevie says, "Well, I'm a scratch golfer."

Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie, "We've got to play a round sometime."

Wonder replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play For

money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole".

Woods thinks about it and says, "OK, I'm game for that, - when would you like to play?"

Stevie says, "Pick a night".

 

 
1998 E36 318iS Saloon   
1989 E30 318i. Coupe
2000 E39 520i Touring

Back to Top
thepits View Drop Down
Moderator Group
Moderator Group
Avatar

Joined: 09-July-2003
Location: far far away
Status: Offline
Points: 10000473 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote thepits Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16-February-2008 at 20:53

Can you image running a company with over 600 employees and the following Personnel record?

21 have been accused of spousal abuse

7 have been arrested for fraud

19 have been accused of writing bad cheques

117 have been bankrupt

3 have been charged with assult

4 arrested on drug charges

8 have been charged with shop-lifting

20 have lawsuits hanging over them

and over 30 have been charged with drunk driving

who's the company?

 

 

The 635 members of the House of Commons

 

Our Law makers!

Cats know your every thought.

But don't care.
Back to Top
thepits View Drop Down
Moderator Group
Moderator Group
Avatar

Joined: 09-July-2003
Location: far far away
Status: Offline
Points: 10000473 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote thepits Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17-February-2008 at 20:31
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.
Says he to himself: This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back - wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly...Twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.
The Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22 is the highway number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grins and thanks the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken, and they haven't made a peep this whole time," the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Highway 189."
Cats know your every thought.

But don't care.
Back to Top
Misty Morning View Drop Down
Really Senior Member II
Really Senior Member II
Avatar

Joined: 21-December-2006
Location: Up North
Status: Offline
Points: 1263 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Misty Morning Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19-February-2008 at 19:31
 

'Why men should not write advice columns'                                 
                                                                                  
Dear Walter:                                                                    
                                                                                 
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my  
husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a  
mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a   
halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I      
couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbor lady &    
making mad passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have  
been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he broke down and   
admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six months.          ;
I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six   
months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and     
worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum  
he has become increasingly distant. Can you please help?                                                          
                                                                                 
Sincerely,                                                                    
Mrs.. Sheila Usk         &nb sp;  

 

 

                                               
                                                                               
Dear Sheila:                                                                      
                                                                                
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a     
variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no     
debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding  
the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches     
solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty,      
causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.        &nbs p;    
                                                                                
I hope this helps.                                                            
Walter 

Back to Top
Rhys View Drop Down
Moderator Group
Moderator Group
Avatar
Coffee addict...

Joined: 02-February-2003
Location: from the Latin locātiō
Status: Offline
Points: 10053 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Rhys Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21-February-2008 at 23:02
As I have had a day when the news has been gloomy both economically,worldly and because i am getting fed up with Public Utilities and other patronisers who constantly keep putting their hands in my pockets and say it is inflation............................................... ....A German guy approaches a lady of the night.

'I vish to buy sex viz you.'

'OK,' says the girl, 'I'll charge 20 an hour.'

'..ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky.'

'No problem,' she replies cautiously, 'I can do little kinky.'
So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller.

'I vant zat you tie ze springs to each of your hans und knees.'

The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs as he had said, to her hands and knees.

'Now you vill get on your hans und knees.'

She duly does this, balancing precariously on the springs.

'You vill please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you.'

She finds it odd, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying.) She finds the sex is fantastic, as she is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller. The climax is the most sensational that she has ever experienced and
it is several minutes before she has enough breath to say,

'That was totally amazing, what do you call that position ?'

'Ah,' says the German . . .'zat is ze....







four-sprung Duck technique
V reg Rustbucket Merc C220 Cdi estate
J Reg Saab 900i 16v
'63 Ford Anglia 105e deluxe
R reg Honda PC50 moped..

No BMW as yet...
Back to Top
thepits View Drop Down
Moderator Group
Moderator Group
Avatar

Joined: 09-July-2003
Location: far far away
Status: Offline
Points: 10000473 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote thepits Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23-February-2008 at 15:40

Originally posted by Rhys Rhys wrote:

four-sprung Duck technique

Rhys! I'm disappointed in you  
Cats know your every thought.

But don't care.
Back to Top
Bigian View Drop Down
Really Senior Member II
Really Senior Member II
Avatar

Joined: 25-May-2005
Location: Stonehaven
Status: Offline
Points: 2167 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Bigian Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23-February-2008 at 22:37

 

A little boy and girl at school were having lunch in the shelter shed.

"Tommy," she said, "I'm not eating any more chicken sandwiches."

"Why?" he asked.

"'Cause I'm starting to grow feathers down here," she said, pointing to the bottom of her tummy.

"I don't believe you," he said. "You'll have to show me."

Behind the shed they went, where the inspection took place.

"You're right," he said. "I've been eating a lot of chicken also. Perhaps I'm getting feathers too."

"Well, I'd better have a look," she said.

After a lengthy examination, she looked up and said, "Oh, I think it's too late for you. You've got the neck and giblets too."

------------------------------------------------------------ ------

There was a young man who was so well-endowed that it was bothering his knee. Three doctors and one nurse were in the operating room to remedy the situation.

The first doctor said, "We'll just take a big hunk off the end." They discussed it and decided that would affect his sensitivity.

The second doctor said, "We'll just take a big hunk out of the middle of it." They discussed it and decided it would change the texture and feel of it.

The third doctor said, "We'll just take a big hunk off the base of it." They discussed it and said that would give him erection problems.

The doctors looked at the nurse who had tears running down her cheeks.

The nurse cried, "Can't we just make his legs longer?"

------------------------------------------------------------ ------

TOP TWENTY REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX

1. You can GET chocolate.

2. "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.

3. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.

4. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.

5. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.

6. You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.

7. If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.

8. Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.

9. The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.

10. You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your work mates.

11. You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.

12. You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.

13. With chocolate there's no need to fake it.

14. Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.

15. You can have chocolate at any time of the month.

16. Good chocolate is easy to find.

17. You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.

18. You are never too young or too old for chocolate.

19. When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.

20. With chocolate size doesn't matter; it's always good

------------------------------------------------------------ ------

What's pink and hard when...

QUESTION:

What's pink and hard when it goes in... and soft and wet when it comes out?


ANSWER:

Bubblegum!

If you can't be good don't get caught
--------------------------
Back to Top
Jack735 View Drop Down
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Avatar

Joined: 14-September-2005
Location: Edinburgh
Status: Offline
Points: 1055 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jack735 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24-February-2008 at 17:39
David Blaine Test
This is creepy!
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
Think of a letter between
A and W
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
Repeat it
out loud as
you scroll down
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
Keep going
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
Don't stop
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
Think of an
animal
that begins
with that letter
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
Repeat it
out loud
as you
scroll down
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
Think of either
a man's or a woman's
name
that
begins
with the
last letter
in the
animal's name
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
Almost
there
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
Now
count out
the letters
in that name
on the fingers
of the hand
you are not
using to
scroll down
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
Take the
hand you
counted with
and hold it out
in front of you
at face level
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
Look at your
palm
very closely
and
notice
the
lines
on
your
hand
..
..
..
..
..
Do the lines
take the
form of the
first letter
in the
persons name?
..
..
..
..
..
Of course they
F****ing
don't !
..
..
..
...
..
Now smack
yourself in the head,
get a life,
and
quit playing
stupid
e-mail games!
..
..
..
..
..
Don't
tell the secret
to others,
just send
them this e-mail!
 
 
Oooh, The machine of a dream, such a clean machine With the pistons a pumpin', and the alloys all gleam, When I'm holding your wheel, All I hear is your gear, With my hand on your grease gun, Mmm it's like a disease son, I'm in love with my car, gotta feel for my automobile, Get a grip on my .......
Back to Top
Bigian View Drop Down
Really Senior Member II
Really Senior Member II
Avatar

Joined: 25-May-2005
Location: Stonehaven
Status: Offline
Points: 2167 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Bigian Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24-February-2008 at 19:20
If you can't be good don't get caught
--------------------------
Back to Top
Misty Morning View Drop Down
Really Senior Member II
Really Senior Member II
Avatar

Joined: 21-December-2006
Location: Up North
Status: Offline
Points: 1263 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Misty Morning Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26-February-2008 at 17:20
Women's Arse size study   
 
There is a new study just released by the American Psychiatric Association about women and how they feel about their arses.  

The results are pretty interesting:
1.   5% of women surveyed feel their arse is too big.

2.   10% of women surveyed feel their arse is too small.

3.   The remaining 85% say they don't care; they love him; he's a good man, and they would have married him anyway.
Back to Top
Misty Morning View Drop Down
Really Senior Member II
Really Senior Member II
Avatar

Joined: 21-December-2006
Location: Up North
Status: Offline
Points: 1263 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Misty Morning Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26-February-2008 at 17:21
Ed Zachary disease

A woman was very distraught over the fact that she had not had a date or any sex for over 5 years. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek medical advice from the well known Chinese sex therapist, Dr Chang.

Upon entering the examination room, Dr Chang said "OK, take off all your crose."

The woman did as she was told. "Now get down and craw reery, reery fass to odder side of room."

Again the woman did as she was instructed. Dr Chang then said "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me."

As she did Dr Chang shook his head slowly. "Your probrem vewy bad. You have Ed Zachary disease. Wurse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates."

The woman asked anxiously "Oh my God, Dr Chang what is Ed Zachary disease?"



Dr Chang sighed deeply and replied.



"Ed Zachary disease is when your face look Ed Zachary like your arse."
Back to Top
thepits View Drop Down
Moderator Group
Moderator Group
Avatar

Joined: 09-July-2003
Location: far far away
Status: Offline
Points: 10000473 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote thepits Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06-March-2008 at 20:55

Dumb Britain...

Anne Robinson "In Russian politics, Vladamire Putin is renowned as an accomplished performer of which activity, Judo or Cluedo?"

Contestant "Cluedo"

AR "in 1948 David Ben-Gurion became Prime minister of which country?"

Contestant "Wales"

and now....

Dumb Ireland...

(Radio Athlone) Presenter "What sweet has a name that sounds like a day of the week?"

Caller (After a long pause) "Would it be marshmallow?"
Cats know your every thought.

But don't care.
Back to Top
dutch View Drop Down
Really Senior Member I
Really Senior Member I
Avatar

Joined: 17-December-2005
Location: lakeside Essex
Status: Offline
Points: 438 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote dutch Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09-March-2008 at 16:54

A tourist walked into a Brighton curio/antique shop.
 
After looking around for a while, he noticed a very life-like bronze Statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it was so striking that he decided to buy it anyway he took it to the owner and said: 'How much is this bronze rat?'
 
The owner replied: 'It's 12 for the rat, and 100 for the story.'
 
The tourist gave the owner his 12 and said: 'I'll just take the rat,  You can keep the story.'
 
As he walked off down the street, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the sewers and begun following him.  This was a little disconcerting, so he started to walk a little faster, but within a couple of blocks the swarm of rats had grown to hundreds, and they were all squealing and screeching in a very menacing way.  He increased his speed & ran on towards the beach, and as he ran, he Looked behind him and saw the rats now numbered in their MILLIONS, and they were running faster & faster. By now very concerned, he ran down the pier and threw the bronze Rat far out into the water.
 
Amazingly, the millions of real rats jumped into the water after it and were all drowned. The man walked back to relate all this to the shop owner, who said: 'Ah, you've come back for the story then?'
 
'No,' said the tourist, 'I came back to see if you've got a bronze Muslim Fundamentalist Cleric, a couple of illegal immigrants, a Poof, and anything French!'

e39,1200 bandit
cooper S, Z3 topazbleu
Back to Top
 Post Reply Post Reply Page  <1 151152153154155 173>
  Share Topic   

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down



This page was generated in 0.332 seconds.