Noah And The Ark - 2004

Noah And The Ark - 2004

In the year 2004, The Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Britain, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have six months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights".

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard.... but no ark. "Noah", He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. " But things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system in the Ark. My neighbours claim that I've violated the neighbourhood zoning laws by building it in my yard and also exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision. Then a bond had to be posted for the future costs of moving power and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I argued that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls. But no go! When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. As well, they argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

"Then the British Environmental Office ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood. I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. Also, the trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist that I have to hire only Union workers with Ark building experience.

"To make matters worse, the Inland Revenue seized all my assets, claiming that I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten years for me to finish this Ark."

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?".

"No need", said the Lord. "The Government is doing it for me."



Edited by Rhys

Absolute masterpiece, Rhys...excellent