They seek them here, they seek them there, those D****ed elusive noymice - with their keys!

Come on everyone, 16 pages the last one in lets than 24 hours, less have some mindless drivel!

Rhys wrote: A duck walks into a bar and asks the barman, "do you have any bread?" The barman replies "sorry, I have no bread." The duck pauses, then asks again, "do you have any bread?" The barman replies again, "no, I have no bread." ......."Do you have any bread?" "No I have no bread." "Do you have any bread?" "No I have no bread." "Do you have any bread?" "No I have no bread." "Do you have any bread?" "No I have no bread." "Do you have any bread?" "No I have no bread." "Do you have any bread?" "No I have no bread." "Do you have any bread?" "No I have no bread." "Do you have any bread?" "No I have no bread." "Do you have any bread?" "No I have no bread." "Do you have any bread?" The barman, now furious, then replies "If you ask 'do I have any bread' one more time, I will hammer your beak to the bar!" There's a long pause, then the duck asks "...............Do you have any nails?" The barman replies "This is a bar! Why would I have any nails?!" "................Do you have any bread?"

what a start   

morning lads, ladies and ladyboys (you know who you are!)

Ally, as soon as you left the previous thread seriously nosedived into the unknown depths of of bad taste! Still 16 pages of drivel is not to be sneezed at.

Rhys after reading that joke words fail me.... have you also stopped your medication??

On with the madness................................. 20 pages by midnight!!!

Goldryder wrote: What a start, I agree...but PLEASE RHYS keep Niggles busy elsewhere...

yes i quite agree, take him away.  

Goldryder wrote: Right...well Ise here to play for a while..probably til at least 10pm ish this evening...(apart from when I got to get wheeliebin from the back of the house to the roadway out front which I hate doing but it has to be done) Let the frivolities begin..

is that a wheeliebin full of frilly undergarments that Rhys & Ivan are trying to deny all knowlege of?

owenw wrote: Goldryder wrote: Right...well Ise here to play for a while..probably til at least 10pm ish this evening...(apart from when I got to get wheeliebin from the back of the house to the roadway out front which I hate doing but it has to be done) Let the frivolities begin.. is that a wheeliebin full of frilly undergarments that Rhys & Ivan are trying to deny all knowlege of?

yes owen, i think so,

Goldryder wrote: Just put wheeliebin outside..and its at bursting point too...

You're very brave (or should that be brazen?!). I'd have waited for cover of night before putting those er... garments on public display  What will the neighbours say?!

15 PIECES OF ADVICE TO BE PASSED ON TO YOUR MUM, YOUR DAUGHTERS OR GRANDDAUGHTERS, NIECES, AUNTS, GIRLFRIENDS, ETC.


1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in nappies.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.

4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.

5. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyway.

6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

9. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him cheque books.

14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal.

Send this to 5 Bright Women to make their day!

Pass it to a few "good men" too!!

A friend sent this to me, views please.

A husband desperate to end an argument offers to buy is wife a new car.
She curtly declines his offer by saying, "That's not quite what I had in mind."
Frantically he offers her a new house.
Again she rejects his offer, "That's not quite what I had in mind."
Curious, he asks: "What did you have in mind?"
She retorts, "I'd like a divorce."
He answers, "I hadn't planned on spending quite that much."

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled.
The farmer said, "That's once."
A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again.
The farmer said, "That's twice."
After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer didn't say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse.
His brand new bride raised all kind of hell with him, telling him, "That was an awful thing to do."
The farmer said, "That's once."

they do seem a bit quiet tonight... i'm catching up on work (sorry to mention That 'W' Word again) that should've been done 2 days ago.

but I'll keep an eye on proceedings, in the hope they get out of hand.

btw this one is specially for you Ally

A mouse lived in a windmill in old Amsterdam
A windmill with a mouse in and he wasn't grousin'
He sang every morning, "How lucky I am,
Living in a windmill in old Amsterdam!"

Chorus:
I saw a mouse!
Where?
There on the stair!
Where on the stair?
Right there!
A little mouse with clogs on
Well I declare!
Going clip-clippety-clop on the stair
Oh yeah

This mouse he got lonesome, he took him a wife
A windmill with mice in, it's hardly surprisin'
She sang every morning, "How lucky I am,
Living in a windmill in old Amsterdam!"

Chorus

First they had triplets and then they had quins
A windmill with quins in, and triplets and twins in
They sang every morning, "How lucky we are
Living in a windmill in Amsterdam, ya!"

Chorus

The daughters got married and so did the sons
The windmill had christ'nin's when no one was list'nin'
They all sang in chorus, "How lucky we am
Living in a windmill in old Amsterdam!"

Chorus

A mouse lived in a windmill, so snug and so nice
There's nobody there now but a whole lot of mice.

Evenin' Ally, James and Chris

Ally, I just wanted everyone to share my pain, I'm generous like that 

Notice how everyone side-stepped that dangerous list of Wendy's  (Except James!)

Goldryder wrote: billgates e30 wrote: i'm sure we can find a list to challenge wendy's....got a good list on the front of a tee shirt. i'll go get it I bet that entails hunting through the stack of dirty laundry in the corner of your bedroom...

Pretty sure the his smelly underpants are lurking in your wheelie bin along with other sundries

Goldryder wrote: I actually think the list from Wendy is very true...but then I am the female of the species too, so obviously I would go along with everything.. mmmmm..just finished my mug of camomile, honey and vanilla tea...ise all relapsed now

I was going to comment on the 13th point on that list but thought better of it *cough* gold-diggers *cough*

billgates e30 wrote: well owen...pet is only used as a term for women, not blokes.....but other than that, that was pretty good.

thx.

was wondering about that. what do you call blokes then?

ppl will surely talk if i start calling you pet, Chris!!

billgates e30 wrote: mans essential guide to women...(according to my tee shirt) yes = no no = yes maybe = no i'm sorry = you'll be sorry we need = i want i'm not upset = of couse i'm upset you bstard! this kitchen is so inconvinent = i want a new house does my ar$e look big in this = lie to me

 true sooo very true

There's alot to be said for the single life IMO.

i really have to work on my culinary skills. chucking a jar of uncle bens sweet n sour on some fried chicken hardly counts..

are house prices as bad over there as they are here?

Goldryder wrote: mmmmm..someone is scanning my pooter and the firewall has picked it up, wonder who it might be IP is 80.4.167.116 very odd...

Is that a moderagryratory ip, careful you may get hadcuffed to keyboard!

Goldryder wrote: whiterider wrote: going any where nice chris?? Evening Wendy Soz for delay in greeting you there but your avatar threw me a bit..(it used to be used by Ivanahorsecalledrory)

evening ally, hows you tonight?

Horsetan wrote: owenw wrote: Goldryder wrote: Right...well Ise here to play for a while..probably til at least 10pm ish this evening...(apart from when I got to get wheeliebin from the back of the house to the roadway out front which I hate doing but it has to be done) Let the frivolities begin.. is that a wheeliebin full of frilly undergarments that Rhys & Ivan are trying to deny all knowlege of? Only nine posts before my name came up. Still, my hopes weren't high....

will ivan, someone locked the other one, so we only started this late last night just after someone shut the other !!!!!!!      

oh right, not to worry the firewall wont let it get through

I'm watching you.

course, if you get really good at hacking into banks, the CIA etc. they'll ask you to come work for them. probably best not to steal stuff, just leave witty comments to let them know you paid them a visit.

owenw wrote: Chorus: I saw a mouse! Where?

Sliding down my Cornsnakes throat 

rubberknees50 wrote: owenw wrote: Chorus: I saw a mouse! Where? Sliding down my Cornsnakes throat

Enduring image

evenin' me old china

Goldryder wrote: mmm would be nice to be able to do that...personally I think its about time there was a female moddygyrator..not me though cos I have no car, am not a fully paid up member and well...I doubt they would want me anyway Nobody wants me Everybody hates me Think I'll go and eat worms Thin ones, fat ones Long ones, short ones Worms that squiggle and squirm...

You could go for Tony's job instead and moddygyrate the entire country.

Goldryder wrote: mmm would be nice to be able to do that...personally I think its about time there was a female moddygyrator..not me though cos I have no car, am not a fully paid up member and well...I doubt they would want me anyway Nobody wants me Everybody hates me Think I'll go and eat worms Thin ones, fat ones Long ones, short ones Worms that squiggle and squirm...

yes i agree with you ally, it is about time we had female moddie.  

Goldryder wrote: Nobody wants me Everybody hates me Think I'll go and eat worms Thin ones, fat ones Long ones, short ones Worms that squiggle and squirm...

Is that the Modygryator anthem? I agree there should be female Moddys, why would not being mobile count against you? Only have to walk to keyboard on here!

owenw wrote: You could go for Tony's job instead and moddygyrate the entire country.

So thats where our Niggles has been!

Evening all, sorry to just burst in but was catching up on pages 2-4!

and then you would hold the keys to the nony thread!

Go on join the darkside! Just think of all the power you could wield over us mortals!