One Chicken, One Road, Many Reasons
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URL: http://www.bavarian-board.co.uk/forum_posts.asp?TID=18419
Printed Date: 02-May-2024 at 16:09
Topic: One Chicken, One Road, Many Reasons
Posted By: IamSpartacus
Subject: One Chicken, One Road, Many Reasons
Date Posted: 02-June-2005 at 09:27
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At last some alternative answers to the age old question.... Why did the chicken cross the road? ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads. KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability. TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take. OSAMA BIN LADEN: That chicken knew nothing of its mission (ha ha ha) only that it would be a martyr. SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas. ------------- The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. |
Replies:
Posted By: Goldryder
Date Posted: 02-June-2005 at 09:33
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Derek....
You are mad  ------------- October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise |
Posted By: IamSpartacus
Date Posted: 02-June-2005 at 09:35
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Truly, And there's more..... LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question. MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing. FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it? RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road. MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was. JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"
------------- The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. |
Posted By: Goldryder
Date Posted: 02-June-2005 at 09:36
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Stark raving bonkers....
and when Niggles appears, this will get pushed into the nonsense thread..just you wait and see.... ------------- October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise |
Posted By: IamSpartacus
Date Posted: 02-June-2005 at 09:44
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It gets better.... FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?" CHARLES DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads. ALBERT EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference. BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature. RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road... it transcended it. ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
------------- The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. |
Posted By: Goldryder
Date Posted: 02-June-2005 at 09:52
nutter....absolute nutter...  ------------- October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise |
Posted By: IamSpartacus
Date Posted: 02-June-2005 at 09:54
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Without exception.... COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one? BILL CLINTON: I did not, and I repeat, did not have sexual relations with that chicken. PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hard working American. L.A.P.D.: Give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll find out. DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told! GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road Son. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. GEORGE W. BUSH: The chicken crossed the road because he was an evil-doer, and we smoked him out of his hole and got him on the run!
------------- The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. |
Posted By: Goldryder
Date Posted: 02-June-2005 at 09:59
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Someone go get a large straightjacket please..we have a right lunatic in our midst.....supposedly working in a tulip... ------------- October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise |
Posted By: IamSpartacus
Date Posted: 02-June-2005 at 10:00
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I'm going slightly mad..... is it time for the little blue pill? ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business. ------------- The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. |
Posted By: Goldryder
Date Posted: 02-June-2005 at 10:02
Not THAT blue pill..thats viagra...you mean THIS blue pill..the one to slow you down a bit...  ------------- October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise |
Posted By: IamSpartacus
Date Posted: 02-June-2005 at 10:05
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Forget Tizer, Thank Phizer! ------------- The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. |
Posted By: Peter Fenwick
Date Posted: 02-June-2005 at 11:31
Going? Surely you mean gone! That depends on what exactly the little blue pill does... Very good though, especially the Fox Mulder one. ------------- Entering an age of Austerity and now driving a Focus Diesel. |
Derek M5 wrote:
Posted By: IamSpartacus
Date Posted: 02-June-2005 at 11:39
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Awright you got me, I'm long gone! ------------- The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. |
Posted By: IamSpartacus
Date Posted: 02-June-2005 at 11:40
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Apperently if you mix Regaine (tm) and Viagra (tm) you get hair that stands on end!!!!!! ------------- The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. |
Posted By: Goldryder
Date Posted: 02-June-2005 at 11:41
I know I will regret asking this but..... Have you tried it out yet Derek? ------------- October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise |
Posted By: IamSpartacus
Date Posted: 02-June-2005 at 11:46
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No need to at either end I'm happy to report! but working with drugs as I do (since my thespian career was cruelly ended) I get to know what goes well with what! ------------- The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. |
Posted By: billgates e30
Date Posted: 02-June-2005 at 12:47
i don't ever recall saying that ------------- Bill Gates aka Chris 
http://www.bmwclubne.co.uk - BMW Club NE |
Posted By: micky_h
Date Posted: 02-June-2005 at 12:55
Is that why your location is :- Up above the streets and houses.....? 
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Posted By: Floody
Date Posted: 02-June-2005 at 16:54
Derek, got to give you credit, Nicola made me read them all out lol,  going to send them on  brill lol
P.S Any more???????????? (only in your free time) at work!!!------------- Mark E30 M3 RHD!!! now sold !!! still crying!!!! E36 318 is in technoviolet, for sale Thank's for the photo Coasting, Flood's on tour!  
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Posted By: rubberknees50
Date Posted: 02-June-2005 at 17:27
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This isn't for the nonsense thread, it's for the totally unhinged thread, lmao! ------------- IanT E28 528, E23 735 
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Posted By: Dergside
Date Posted: 02-June-2005 at 18:28
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I didn't even know you were a thwoman..... ------------- Now: BMW 523i SE '00, 318i SE - e91 '07, 325i Coupe '93. Prev: e46 328i SE Touring, 330Ci, 318Ci. e39 523i SE. e36 325i Coupe *2, 323i SE, 316iSE. e30 325iSE 2dr, 320i Conv, 320i 2dr, 316i. |
Posted By: Horsetan
Date Posted: 02-June-2005 at 18:36
....what about the update patches? -------------   
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Posted By: IamSpartacus
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 01:43
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Will see what I can do, might be a bit quiet today as just got caught unawares by my boss and in a moment of weakness agreed to do some work..... ------------- The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. |
Posted By: IamSpartacus
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 01:44
I won't justify that with an answer
walks off in hufff ------------- The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. |
Posted By: Peter Fenwick
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 02:56
LOL, I know the feeling! I got caught by my section manager playing a game the other day. Oops Rocket mania on Yahoo games, totally addicitve ------------- Entering an age of Austerity and now driving a Focus Diesel. |
Posted By: IamSpartacus
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 04:26
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I'm still on the Kitty Canon I will have to check out the rocket one next.... anyone got the short form version of doom that was floating around a while back? ------------- The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. |
Posted By: IamSpartacus
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 05:17
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and on a similar note.... Why did the woman cross the road? Who cares, how did she get out of the kitchen?
runs n hides under desk ------------- The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. |
Posted By: Goldryder
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 05:29
DEREK!!!!!!! Nicky will beat you up for such a sexist statement...and rightly so too ------------- October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise |
Posted By: IamSpartacus
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 06:35
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Not at all, we have a very understanding relationship.... ------------- The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. |
Posted By: Goldryder
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 06:55
You understand why she hits you with a frying pan every day?? ------------- October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise |
Posted By: IamSpartacus
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 06:58
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is that why my head hurts? ------------- The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. |
Posted By: Goldryder
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 07:06
erm... well... umm... Yep ------------- October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise |
Posted By: IamSpartacus
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 07:19
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explains why I spend so much time at work then i 'spose ------------- The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. |
Posted By: Goldryder
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 07:23
Of course..we women like to be pampered, and if you don't earn the money, she can't spend it on her essential pampering requirements....made more expensive cos you insist on commuting across a continent ------------- October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise |
Posted By: IamSpartacus
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 07:25
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Only the best, always! Planning a trip to Antwep sometime soon for a bit of 'rockery' ------------- The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. |
Posted By: Goldryder
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 07:27
ah the old diamonds area girls best friend, eh? ------------- October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise |
Posted By: IamSpartacus
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 07:39
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Something like that yes.... Whichever woman came up with the "Where else would a months salary last a lifetime" ad for DeBeers was setting the bar a little high I could get me a nice '89 M6 instead.... ------------- The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. |
Posted By: Goldryder
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 07:44
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I don't like diamonds, too easily lost or mislaid. Much prefer a big box of choccies and a bouquet of flowers...
(subtle hint for next week here hehehehe) ------------- October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise |
Posted By: IamSpartacus
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 07:49
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bin there done that, time to up the ante... but will probably be told off and informed that a tractor would've been more practical! ------------- The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. |
Posted By: Goldryder
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 07:54
I have no need for a tractor so flowers and choccies next week will do fine thank you  ------------- October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise |
Posted By: IamSpartacus
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 08:06
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Our little 18 hp yard-man isn't man enough for our garden so she wants a tractor and topper! ------------- The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. |
Posted By: Goldryder
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 08:11
Get a couple of goats, or a horse, or a donkey or some sheep..they keep the grass down and provide you with fringe benefits too ------------- October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise |
Posted By: IamSpartacus
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 08:14
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Got a sheep, so far he's eaten 18 of the 22 lavender plants we put in as edging for the path! Will he eat the mint? Will he eat the Rosemary? ------------- The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. |
Posted By: Goldryder
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 08:16
Whys not plant Rosemary and Mint where the Lavender was and see if it gets eaten..if it does, then his future is assured cos he will reak of the stuff when roasted ------------- October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise |
Posted By: IamSpartacus
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 08:18
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Not for eating unfortunately, we got this one as a day old wretch and hand reared him, Nicky has plans for him as a Stud Ram, Benjy has thoughts of him as a female companion - well Briards are Shepherds at heart!! ------------- The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. |
Posted By: Goldryder
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 08:20
Well if he carries on eating the smellies, he might give his prospective 'partner' the wrong idea ------------- October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise |
Posted By: IamSpartacus
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 08:22
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Already got it I'm afraid.... still great amusement value while sitting in sun enjoying a cold beer watching dog chase sheep, dog mount sheep, sheep escape, sheep headbutt dog, sheep chase dog etc. ------------- The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. |
Posted By: IamSpartacus
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 08:27
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And back to the chickens... George Orwell: Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests. O.J. Simpson: It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time. ------------- The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. |
Posted By: Goldryder
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 08:28
Have to have a few photos of that performance on here, Derek....sounds hysterical ------------- October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise |
Posted By: IamSpartacus
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 08:29
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A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature the vet pronounces it dead. Not happy with the vet's diagnosis the man asks for a second opinion. The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog. The dog nudges the hamster around with its nose and sniffs it a couple of times before shaking his head. "There" says the vet,” Your hamster is dead". Still not happy the man asks for a third opinion. The vet opens the back door and in bounds a cat. The cat jumps onto the table and looks the hamster up and down for a few minutes before looking up and shaking it's head. "It's definitely dead sir", says the vet. Convinced, the man enquires how much he owes. "That will be £1000, please". "A £1000 just to tell me my hamster is dead" fumes the man. "Well", says the vet, "There's my diagnosis, the lab report and the cat scan". ------------- The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. |
Posted By: Goldryder
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 08:31
 ------------- October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise |
Posted By: IamSpartacus
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 08:33
Lab report & cat scan.... ------------- The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. |
Posted By: Goldryder
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 08:34
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Now that is dangerous, when you start having hysterics at your own jokes... ------------- October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise |
Posted By: IamSpartacus
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 08:36
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I don't care..... A couple is dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They phone for a cab, turn on a night light, cover their pet parakeet and put the cat out in the back yard. ------------- The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. |
Posted By: Goldryder
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 08:38
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erm Derek...can you shrink something please..I don't have a w i d e s c r e e n monitor ------------- October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise |
Posted By: IamSpartacus
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 08:40
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Idunnowhyitdidthat?? ------------- The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. |
Posted By: Goldryder
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 08:42
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Cos you typed something earlier and then added a tonne of smilies....to avoid this problem, start smilies on new line ------------- October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise |
Posted By: IamSpartacus
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 09:03
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Far too complex for a simpleton like me......... A skydiver is enjoying his free-fall, when he realizes that he has reached the altitude where he must open his parachute, he pulls the ripcord, but nothing happens. “No problem,” he says to himself, “I still have my emergency chute.” So he pulls the ripcord on his emergency parachute, and once again, nothing happens. Now the man begins to panic. “What am I going to do?” He thinks. “I’m a goner.” ------------- The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. |
Posted By: IamSpartacus
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 09:09
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A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop. The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?" The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?" The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic... "Try doing it with the engine running." ------------- The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. |
Posted By: Goldryder
Date Posted: 03-June-2005 at 09:13
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------------- October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise |