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One for Ivan...

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Category: General Forums
Forum Name: General Off Topic Forum
Forum Discription: Discuss off topic issues related to BMWs.
URL: http://www.bavarian-board.co.uk/forum_posts.asp?TID=30028
Printed Date: 03-May-2024 at 17:19


Topic: One for Ivan...
Posted By: Rhys
Subject: One for Ivan...
Date Posted: 02-May-2006 at 19:25

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
_______________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_______________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
_______________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan
____________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
____________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning ?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
_________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one year old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one..
______________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
____________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
____________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
____________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
____________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
___________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
____________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
____________________


ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_____________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
_____________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
__________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: ! No.
ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.


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V reg Rustbucket Merc C220 Cdi estate
J Reg Saab 900i 16v
'63 Ford Anglia 105e deluxe
R reg Honda PC50 moped..

No BMW as yet...



Replies:
Posted By: steven.seed
Date Posted: 02-May-2006 at 19:50
Excellent Rhys, especially like the last one 

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1998 E36 318iS Saloon   
1989 E30 318i. Coupe
2000 E39 520i Touring



Posted By: Horsetan
Date Posted: 03-May-2006 at 18:17
I keep on seeing these same old lawyer jokes.

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Posted By: spokey
Date Posted: 03-May-2006 at 18:26
Originally posted by Horsetan Horsetan wrote:

I keep on seeing these same old lawyer jokes.


Especially in the office, eh?


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Ciao,
Spokey



Posted By: Rhys
Date Posted: 03-May-2006 at 18:38

Originally posted by Horsetan Horsetan wrote:

I keep on seeing these same old lawyer jokes.

I expect you might have seen them before, thought you may find them ammusing of not.



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V reg Rustbucket Merc C220 Cdi estate
J Reg Saab 900i 16v
'63 Ford Anglia 105e deluxe
R reg Honda PC50 moped..

No BMW as yet...


Posted By: Horsetan
Date Posted: 03-May-2006 at 18:57

Maybe it's time to change profession. At least you don't get accountant jokes.

 

Well...maybe not as much.....



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Posted By: Floody
Date Posted: 03-May-2006 at 18:58

Originally posted by spokey spokey wrote:

Originally posted by Horsetan Horsetan wrote:

I keep on seeing these same old lawyer jokes.


Especially in the office, eh?



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Mark E30 M3 RHD!!! now sold !!! still crying!!!!
E36 318 is in technoviolet, for sale
Thank's for the photo Coasting, Flood's on tour!



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