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Rhys
Moderator Group
Coffee addict...
Joined: 02-February-2003
Location: from the Latin locātiō
Status: Offline
Points: 10053
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Posted: 10-October-2005 at 18:09 |
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V reg Rustbucket Merc C220 Cdi estate J Reg Saab 900i 16v '63 Ford Anglia 105e deluxe R reg Honda PC50 moped..
No BMW as yet...
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Sponsored Links
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Nigel
Moderator Group
Joined: 09-November-2002
Status: Offline
Points: 6941
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Posted: 10-October-2005 at 18:02 |
Rhys wrote:
Sounds like the DVLA switchboard.. |
Medical section
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Best Wishes
Nigel
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Rhys
Moderator Group
Coffee addict...
Joined: 02-February-2003
Location: from the Latin locātiō
Status: Offline
Points: 10053
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Posted: 10-October-2005 at 17:09 |
Sounds like the DVLA switchboard..
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V reg Rustbucket Merc C220 Cdi estate J Reg Saab 900i 16v '63 Ford Anglia 105e deluxe R reg Honda PC50 moped..
No BMW as yet...
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thepits
Moderator Group
Joined: 09-July-2003
Location: far far away
Status: Offline
Points: 10000473
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Posted: 10-October-2005 at 16:54 |
I feel I need to share this with you all.............
New Answering Service Installed at Mental Health Institutes
"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until someone comes on the line.
If you are dyslexic, press 6969696969.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic-stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you."
shall I get my coat?
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Cats know your every thought.
But don't care.
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tagbartok
Newbie
Joined: 18-September-2005
Location: Staffordshire
Status: Offline
Points: 16
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Posted: 10-October-2005 at 15:43 |
Hello each and every one of you.
I heard this today:
Middle aged couple go off to the doctors because the old man isn't feeling too grand. His missus has gone along because he's a bit deaf so she speaks up for him. Anyway the Doctor checks his heart, lungs and blood pressure and has a good poke and prod but can't find anything obviously wrong. So he sits the couple down and tells the guy he needs him to provide a blood, urine, stool and semen sample for testing. The guy looks sideways at the Doc and tells him to repeat what he's just said because he's a bit deaf and missed most of it. At this his missus turns and prods him in the ribs and shouts in his ear "For goodness sake just give the good Doctor your underpants will you!"
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sleeper
Really Senior Member II
Original and STILL best
Joined: 26-March-2004
Location: East Sussex/Kent border
Status: Offline
Points: 2098
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Posted: 10-October-2005 at 13:26 |
Grahame_Vincent wrote:
Even the Mrs laughed at that one!! |
mine was confused! :-(
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mell
Really Senior Member II
Joined: 07-July-2004
Location: up in the clouds far far away
Status: Offline
Points: 3466
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Posted: 10-October-2005 at 12:15 |
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Grahame_Vincent
Really Senior Member II
Joined: 12-August-2004
Location: Newcastle upon Tyne
Status: Offline
Points: 535
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Posted: 10-October-2005 at 11:18 |
Even the Mrs laughed at that one!!
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Grahame
2004 E46 325Ci Sport Coupe, Silver Grey with Black Leather and M Sports Pack II.
Used to own:-
1995 E38 730i V8, Black, 18" Fox RS3's, Custom Tint Glass, with Silver Leather
1985 E30 316 Black
http://www.villagephotos.com/pubgallery.asp?id_=1066854
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sleeper
Really Senior Member II
Original and STILL best
Joined: 26-March-2004
Location: East Sussex/Kent border
Status: Offline
Points: 2098
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Posted: 10-October-2005 at 08:26 |
Grahame_Vincent wrote:
sleeper wrote:
> "He just wanted to say thanks for his new ears".
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Excellent!!! I'm just getting off the floor with laughter!!!
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good to see someone shares my sick sense of humour....
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sharon....
Really Senior Member I
Joined: 03-May-2005
Location: walsall
Status: Offline
Points: 396
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Posted: 10-October-2005 at 05:19 |
good morning all
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look....cut the cr4p and show us ya willy
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Grahame_Vincent
Really Senior Member II
Joined: 12-August-2004
Location: Newcastle upon Tyne
Status: Offline
Points: 535
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Posted: 09-October-2005 at 15:00 |
Sorry just checking out to watch "The Match"
Have a good one
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Grahame
2004 E46 325Ci Sport Coupe, Silver Grey with Black Leather and M Sports Pack II.
Used to own:-
1995 E38 730i V8, Black, 18" Fox RS3's, Custom Tint Glass, with Silver Leather
1985 E30 316 Black
http://www.villagephotos.com/pubgallery.asp?id_=1066854
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billgates e30
Really Senior Member II
Joined: 31-January-2005
Location: Tyne & Wear
Status: Offline
Points: 924
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Posted: 09-October-2005 at 11:47 |
damn right...very quiet indeed
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Grahame_Vincent
Really Senior Member II
Joined: 12-August-2004
Location: Newcastle upon Tyne
Status: Offline
Points: 535
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Posted: 09-October-2005 at 11:01 |
Afternoon Chris..... Not alot happening on here today!
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Grahame
2004 E46 325Ci Sport Coupe, Silver Grey with Black Leather and M Sports Pack II.
Used to own:-
1995 E38 730i V8, Black, 18" Fox RS3's, Custom Tint Glass, with Silver Leather
1985 E30 316 Black
http://www.villagephotos.com/pubgallery.asp?id_=1066854
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billgates e30
Really Senior Member II
Joined: 31-January-2005
Location: Tyne & Wear
Status: Offline
Points: 924
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Posted: 09-October-2005 at 09:45 |
good afternoon everyone
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Grahame_Vincent
Really Senior Member II
Joined: 12-August-2004
Location: Newcastle upon Tyne
Status: Offline
Points: 535
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Posted: 09-October-2005 at 06:20 |
sleeper wrote:
> "He just wanted to say thanks for his new ears".
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Excellent!!! I'm just getting off the floor with laughter!!!
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Grahame
2004 E46 325Ci Sport Coupe, Silver Grey with Black Leather and M Sports Pack II.
Used to own:-
1995 E38 730i V8, Black, 18" Fox RS3's, Custom Tint Glass, with Silver Leather
1985 E30 316 Black
http://www.villagephotos.com/pubgallery.asp?id_=1066854
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Goldryder
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Illegitimi Non Carborundum
Joined: 02-April-2004
Location: Acomb, North Yorkshire
Status: Offline
Points: 5301
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Posted: 09-October-2005 at 04:37 |
Good morning you 'orrible creatures
Been a bit too peaceful around here of late...where's Derek when you need him to inject a bit of life into the proceedings???
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October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding
March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise
October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise
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sleeper
Really Senior Member II
Original and STILL best
Joined: 26-March-2004
Location: East Sussex/Kent border
Status: Offline
Points: 2098
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Posted: 05-October-2005 at 10:19 |
sleeper - - uk mothers of 6
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Rhys
Moderator Group
Coffee addict...
Joined: 02-February-2003
Location: from the Latin locātiō
Status: Offline
Points: 10053
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Posted: 05-October-2005 at 10:16 |
hmmm <flicks coin> heads it stays....
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V reg Rustbucket Merc C220 Cdi estate J Reg Saab 900i 16v '63 Ford Anglia 105e deluxe R reg Honda PC50 moped..
No BMW as yet...
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sleeper
Really Senior Member II
Original and STILL best
Joined: 26-March-2004
Location: East Sussex/Kent border
Status: Offline
Points: 2098
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Posted: 05-October-2005 at 10:04 |
ok, here you go...
> After her sixth child, Jane decided that she should have some cosmetic
> surgery "down below" to restore herself to her former youthful glory,
> As her bomb doors were dangling a bit too low and looked like a ripped
> out fireplace.
>
> Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with six
> children now being the limit, she'd tidy things with a nip here and
> tuck there so it looked more like a piggy bank slot rather than a
> badly packed kebab.
>
> Following the operation she awoke from her anaesthetic to find three
> roses at the end of the bed.
>
> "Who are these from?" she asked the nurse, "They're very nice"
>
> "Well" said the nurse; "The first is from the surgeon - the operation
> went so well and you were such a model patient that he wanted to say
> thanks".
>
> "Gosh, that's really nice" said Jane.
>
> "The second is from your husband - he's delighted the operation was
> such a success that he can't wait to get you home. Apparently it'll be
> the first time he's touched the sides for years and he's very
> excited!"
>
> "Brilliant!" said Jane. "And the third?"
>
> "That's from Eric, a patient in the burns unit," said the nurse.
> "He just wanted to say thanks for his new ears".
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Rhys
Moderator Group
Coffee addict...
Joined: 02-February-2003
Location: from the Latin locātiō
Status: Offline
Points: 10053
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Posted: 05-October-2005 at 10:01 |
If it dissapears, you'll have your answer
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V reg Rustbucket Merc C220 Cdi estate J Reg Saab 900i 16v '63 Ford Anglia 105e deluxe R reg Honda PC50 moped..
No BMW as yet...
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