The Neverending Thread

Spotted in Kilburn today:

Yeeeeeee-hawwwww

The teacher asked one of her young students if he knew his numbers.

"Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught me."

"Good. What comes after three?" "Four," answers the boy.

"What comes after six?" "Seven." "Very good," says the teacher.

"Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?"

"A jack," says the little boy.

Little Johnny was caught swearing by his teacher.

"Johnny," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear such talk, anyway?"

"My daddy said it," he responded.

"Well, that doesn't matter," explained the teacher. "You don't even know what it means."

"I do, too!" Little Johnny retorted. "It means the car won't start."

"Hello?" the child says on the phone.

"Hi, honey, this is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No, Daddy," says the litter girl. "She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."

"Oh, yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."

Dad takes a deep breath. "Okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down, run upstairs, knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."

"Okay, Daddy, just a minute," says the little girl. A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.

"I did it, Daddy."

"What happened, honey?" he asks.

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all."

"Oh, my God! What about your Uncle Paul?" asks Dad in a panic.

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out all the water last week to clean the pool. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."

There's a long pause on the phone.

Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?"

A guy is hanging upside down from the rafters at a factory when a blonde co-worker walks by. "What are you doing?" she asks.

"I need some time off," says the man. "I'm pretending to be nuts."

The boss walks in, sees the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asks, "What are you doing?"

"I'm a light bulb," answers the man.

"I think you need some time off," says the boss.

So, the man jumps down and leaves.

The blonde begins to walk out, too.

The boss asks, "Where do you think you're going?"

The blonde answers, "I'm going home. I can't work in the dark."