Bavarian-Board.co.uk - BMW Owners Discussion Forum Homepage
Forum Home Forum Home > General Forums > General Off Topic Forum
  New Posts New Posts RSS Feed - The Neverending Thread
  FAQ FAQ  Forum Search   Register Register  Login Login

Forum LockedThe Neverending Thread
 Post Reply Post Reply Page  <1 154155156157158 173>
Author
Message
  Topic Search Topic Search  Topic Options Topic Options
Jack735 View Drop Down
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Avatar

Joined: 14-September-2005
Location: Edinburgh
Status: Offline
Points: 1055 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jack735 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15-June-2008 at 19:57
Management Assessment

When Blue Collar workers go out together on a week-end they talk about football.


When middle management are together, they talk about tennis.


Top management discusses golf.


Conclusion:
The higher up you are in management, the smaller your balls.
Oooh, The machine of a dream, such a clean machine With the pistons a pumpin', and the alloys all gleam, When I'm holding your wheel, All I hear is your gear, With my hand on your grease gun, Mmm it's like a disease son, I'm in love with my car, gotta feel for my automobile, Get a grip on my .......
Back to Top
Sponsored Links


Back to Top
Rhys View Drop Down
Moderator Group
Moderator Group
Avatar
Coffee addict...

Joined: 02-February-2003
Location: from the Latin locātiō
Status: Offline
Points: 10053 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Rhys Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16-June-2008 at 12:04
This was originally shown on BBC TV back in the seventies. Ronnie Barker could say all this without a snigger (though god knows how many takes).

Irony is that they received not one complaint. The speed of delivery must have been too much for the whining herds. Try getting through it without converting the spoonerisms [and not wetting your pants] as you read .... I dare you!


This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters.

Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion. Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling shot. At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered. The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge, and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible huckers; they had fetty sweet and fatty swannies. The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let Rindercella go.

Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared.
Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian. She turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks. The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight otherwise, there would be a cucking falamity. At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when suddenly the clock struck twelve. 'Mist all chucking frighty!!!' said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks, so dropping her slass glipper.

The very next day the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door and the sugly isters let him in.. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let off a fig bart. 'Who's fust jarted??' asked the prandsome hince. 'Blame that fugly ucker over there!!' said Mary Hinge. When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk. Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and a hig bard on.

He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly. Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a follen swanny!
V reg Rustbucket Merc C220 Cdi estate
J Reg Saab 900i 16v
'63 Ford Anglia 105e deluxe
R reg Honda PC50 moped..

No BMW as yet...
Back to Top
Jack735 View Drop Down
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Avatar

Joined: 14-September-2005
Location: Edinburgh
Status: Offline
Points: 1055 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jack735 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18-June-2008 at 14:03

For the annual company picnic, management decided that because of liability issues we could have alcohol, but only one drink per person... 

 

I was fired for ordering the cups.

Oooh, The machine of a dream, such a clean machine With the pistons a pumpin', and the alloys all gleam, When I'm holding your wheel, All I hear is your gear, With my hand on your grease gun, Mmm it's like a disease son, I'm in love with my car, gotta feel for my automobile, Get a grip on my .......
Back to Top
Jack735 View Drop Down
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Avatar

Joined: 14-September-2005
Location: Edinburgh
Status: Offline
Points: 1055 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jack735 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18-June-2008 at 14:07

Oh how some folk live.....
Oooh, The machine of a dream, such a clean machine With the pistons a pumpin', and the alloys all gleam, When I'm holding your wheel, All I hear is your gear, With my hand on your grease gun, Mmm it's like a disease son, I'm in love with my car, gotta feel for my automobile, Get a grip on my .......
Back to Top
Jack735 View Drop Down
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Avatar

Joined: 14-September-2005
Location: Edinburgh
Status: Offline
Points: 1055 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jack735 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18-June-2008 at 14:17

1. Teaching Maths In 1970
A logger sells a truckload of timber for 100.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the price.
What is his profit?

2. Teaching Maths In 1980
A logger sells a truckload of timber for 100.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or 80.
What is his profit?

3. Teaching Maths In 1990
A logger sells a truckload of timber for 100.
His cost of production is 80.
Did he make a profit?

4. Teaching Maths In 2000
A logger sells a truckload of timber for 100.
His cost of production is 80 and his profit is 20.
Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

5. Teaching Maths In 2008
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands.
He does this so he can make a profit of 20.
What do you think of this way of making a living?
Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers. )
Oooh, The machine of a dream, such a clean machine With the pistons a pumpin', and the alloys all gleam, When I'm holding your wheel, All I hear is your gear, With my hand on your grease gun, Mmm it's like a disease son, I'm in love with my car, gotta feel for my automobile, Get a grip on my .......
Back to Top
Misty Morning View Drop Down
Really Senior Member II
Really Senior Member II
Avatar

Joined: 21-December-2006
Location: Up North
Status: Offline
Points: 1263 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Misty Morning Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18-June-2008 at 16:03

Just for you lot with some time on your hands

http://www.subservientchicken.com/
Back to Top
thepits View Drop Down
Moderator Group
Moderator Group
Avatar

Joined: 09-July-2003
Location: far far away
Status: Offline
Points: 10000473 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote thepits Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18-June-2008 at 16:55
Originally posted by Misty Morning Misty Morning wrote:

Just for you lot with some time on your hands
and you haven't of course after finding it?
Cats know your every thought.

But don't care.
Back to Top
Misty Morning View Drop Down
Really Senior Member II
Really Senior Member II
Avatar

Joined: 21-December-2006
Location: Up North
Status: Offline
Points: 1263 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Misty Morning Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18-June-2008 at 18:58

Originally posted by thepits thepits wrote:

Originally posted by Misty Morning Misty Morning wrote:

Just for you lot with some time on your hands
and you haven't of course after finding it?

Moi! a busy domestic engineer and mother, have time on my hands I should coco.....Waits for the gasp of disbelief and jaw hitting floor followed by countless posts on women claiming to be busy

I found it on another forum I wasn't that sad to have found it surfing
Back to Top
thepits View Drop Down
Moderator Group
Moderator Group
Avatar

Joined: 09-July-2003
Location: far far away
Status: Offline
Points: 10000473 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote thepits Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18-June-2008 at 19:23

Originally posted by Misty Morning Misty Morning wrote:

I found it on another forum I wasn't that sad to have found it surfing

Aha - so you admit to surfing, it's just you didn't find anything - gotcha

Cats know your every thought.

But don't care.
Back to Top
Misty Morning View Drop Down
Really Senior Member II
Really Senior Member II
Avatar

Joined: 21-December-2006
Location: Up North
Status: Offline
Points: 1263 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Misty Morning Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18-June-2008 at 19:33
I didn't say I did surf I just said I didn't find it surfing. A fact not an admission
Back to Top
Rhys View Drop Down
Moderator Group
Moderator Group
Avatar
Coffee addict...

Joined: 02-February-2003
Location: from the Latin locātiō
Status: Offline
Points: 10053 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Rhys Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18-June-2008 at 22:24
give up pitsy, you won't beat her..
V reg Rustbucket Merc C220 Cdi estate
J Reg Saab 900i 16v
'63 Ford Anglia 105e deluxe
R reg Honda PC50 moped..

No BMW as yet...
Back to Top
Misty Morning View Drop Down
Really Senior Member II
Really Senior Member II
Avatar

Joined: 21-December-2006
Location: Up North
Status: Offline
Points: 1263 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Misty Morning Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18-June-2008 at 22:45
Hello smee
Back to Top
Rhys View Drop Down
Moderator Group
Moderator Group
Avatar
Coffee addict...

Joined: 02-February-2003
Location: from the Latin locātiō
Status: Offline
Points: 10053 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Rhys Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18-June-2008 at 23:05
Originally posted by Misty Morning Misty Morning wrote:

Hello smee


Hello smee..
V reg Rustbucket Merc C220 Cdi estate
J Reg Saab 900i 16v
'63 Ford Anglia 105e deluxe
R reg Honda PC50 moped..

No BMW as yet...
Back to Top
Jack735 View Drop Down
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Avatar

Joined: 14-September-2005
Location: Edinburgh
Status: Offline
Points: 1055 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jack735 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21-June-2008 at 17:17
Bad Karma Dude!
I was walking down the street today when this hippie jumped out of nowhere and shoved a joss stick up my ar$e
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
I couldn't believe it, I was incensed
Oooh, The machine of a dream, such a clean machine With the pistons a pumpin', and the alloys all gleam, When I'm holding your wheel, All I hear is your gear, With my hand on your grease gun, Mmm it's like a disease son, I'm in love with my car, gotta feel for my automobile, Get a grip on my .......
Back to Top
IamSpartacus View Drop Down
Moderator Group
Moderator Group
Avatar

Joined: 21-November-2002
Location: Singapore
Status: Offline
Points: 3625 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote IamSpartacus Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23-June-2008 at 21:33
Originally posted by Jack735 Jack735 wrote:

Bad Karma Dude!
I was walking down the street today when this hippie jumped out of nowhere and shoved a joss stick up my ar$e
I couldn't believe it, I was incensed


I was one of the original proponents of this thread and even I have to say if you keep up on this tilt I'll have to lock it!
That was much worse than your previous efforts! Must try Harder!!!!!!!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
Back to Top
Peter H View Drop Down
Really Senior Member II
Really Senior Member II
Avatar

Joined: 03-January-2004
Location: Worcestershire/Ost Bayern
Status: Offline
Points: 927 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Peter H Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10-July-2008 at 20:30
Originally posted by IamSpartacus IamSpartacus wrote:

Originally posted by Jack735 Jack735 wrote:

Bad Karma Dude!
I was walking down the street today when this hippie jumped out of nowhere and shoved a joss stick up my ar$e

I couldn't believe it, I was incensed



I was one of the original proponents of this thread and even I have to say if you keep up on this tilt I'll have to lock it!
That was much worse than your previous efforts! Must try Harder!!!!!!!

 

As the originator I must say that standards do appear to be slipping

all applicants Must try Harder 

Das Wolperdinger

AHN-NYUNG-HEE GA-SEH-YO
Back to Top
thepits View Drop Down
Moderator Group
Moderator Group
Avatar

Joined: 09-July-2003
Location: far far away
Status: Offline
Points: 10000473 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote thepits Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10-July-2008 at 20:34

Originally posted by Peter H Peter H wrote:

all applicants Must try Harder 

OK - how about...

"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak."

 

Anyone we know?

 
Cats know your every thought.

But don't care.
Back to Top
Rhys View Drop Down
Moderator Group
Moderator Group
Avatar
Coffee addict...

Joined: 02-February-2003
Location: from the Latin locātiō
Status: Offline
Points: 10053 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Rhys Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10-July-2008 at 20:49
Originally posted by Peter H Peter H wrote:

BMW drivers get most sex

BERLIN (Reuters) - BMW drivers have more sex than owners of any other cars and are much more active than PorsRenaultche drivers, a new German car magazine has found.

The German magazine "Men's Car" found in a survey of 2,253 motorists aged 20 to 50 published in its inaugural May issue that male BMW drivers say they have sex on average 2.2 times each week while Porsche drivers have sex 1.4 times per week.

Following BMW drivers were Audi (2.1), Volkswagen (1.9), Ford (1.7) and Mercedes (1.6). Drivers of foreign car makes were also behind BMW with Italian cars (2.0), French (1.9), Japanese (1.8), Swedish (1.6) and Korean cars (1.5) trailing after.

Among women, French car drivers were top with 2.1 times per week followed by Audi (2.0), Italian (2.0), and BMW (1.9) with Porsche again at the bottom of the scale at 1.2 times per week.



Wonder what the figures are now? I know someone is getting my share..
V reg Rustbucket Merc C220 Cdi estate
J Reg Saab 900i 16v
'63 Ford Anglia 105e deluxe
R reg Honda PC50 moped..

No BMW as yet...
Back to Top
Floody View Drop Down
Really Senior Member II
Really Senior Member II
Avatar

Joined: 14-April-2004
Location: U.K Darlington (Croft)!!
Status: Offline
Points: 1339 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Floody Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10-July-2008 at 22:14
Originally posted by thepits thepits wrote:

Originally posted by Peter H Peter H wrote:

all applicants Must try Harder 

OK - how about...

"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak."

 

Anyone we know?

 

lol, not been on for ages and this thing is still going!!!!

but nothing has changed   

evening all

 
Mark E30 M3 RHD!!! now sold !!! still crying!!!!
E36 318 is in technoviolet, for sale
Thank's for the photo Coasting, Flood's on tour!
Back to Top
Rhys View Drop Down
Moderator Group
Moderator Group
Avatar
Coffee addict...

Joined: 02-February-2003
Location: from the Latin locātiō
Status: Offline
Points: 10053 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Rhys Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10-July-2008 at 22:17
Ey up Mark - Ow ist? 
V reg Rustbucket Merc C220 Cdi estate
J Reg Saab 900i 16v
'63 Ford Anglia 105e deluxe
R reg Honda PC50 moped..

No BMW as yet...
Back to Top
 Post Reply Post Reply Page  <1 154155156157158 173>
  Share Topic   

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down



This page was generated in 0.250 seconds.