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IamSpartacus
Moderator Group
Joined: 21-November-2002
Location: Singapore
Status: Offline
Points: 3625
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Posted: 03-June-2005 at 05:15 |
A blonde had two horses, but she couldn't tell them apart. So she asked her neighbor for advice. He suggested that she cut the tail off one of the horses. This worked until the other horse snagged his tail on a fence. So the neighbor suggested notching one of the horses' ear. This worked until the other horse snagged his ear on a fence. So the neighbor suggested measuring the heights of the horses. And sure enough, the white horse was two inches taller than the black horse.
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The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
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Goldryder
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Illegitimi Non Carborundum
Joined: 02-April-2004
Location: Acomb, North Yorkshire
Status: Offline
Points: 5301
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Posted: 03-June-2005 at 05:22 |
Derek M5 wrote:
A blonde had two horses, but she couldn't tell them apart. So she asked her neighbor for advice. He suggested that she cut the tail off one of the horses. This worked until the other horse snagged his tail on a fence. So the neighbor suggested notching one of the horses' ear. This worked until the other horse snagged his ear on a fence. So the neighbor suggested measuring the heights of the horses. And sure enough, the white horse was two inches taller than the black horse. |
This why I no longer have blonde hair..I was never taken seriously...but then I spose the same could be said now too....
We women do have a hard time of it sometimes, but at least I do try and not seem as dimwitted as the example you so kindly showed us all Derek....
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October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding
March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise
October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise
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IamSpartacus
Moderator Group
Joined: 21-November-2002
Location: Singapore
Status: Offline
Points: 3625
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Posted: 03-June-2005 at 05:30 |
By highlighting the follies of some of your dimmer contmeporaries we are merely proving how different you are from them......
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The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
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Goldryder
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Illegitimi Non Carborundum
Joined: 02-April-2004
Location: Acomb, North Yorkshire
Status: Offline
Points: 5301
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Posted: 03-June-2005 at 05:33 |
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October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding
March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise
October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise
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IamSpartacus
Moderator Group
Joined: 21-November-2002
Location: Singapore
Status: Offline
Points: 3625
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Posted: 03-June-2005 at 06:33 |
A man goes on a 2-month business trip to Europe and leaves his cat with his brother. Three days before his return he calls his brother.
Brother 1: So how is my cat doing?
Brother 2: He's Dead
Brother 1: He's Dead! What do you mean He's Dead! I loved that cat. Couldn't you think of a nicer way to tell me! I'm leaving in 3 days.
You could of broke me to the news easier. You could of told me today that she got out of the house or something.
Then when I called before I left you could of told me, Well, we found her but she is up on the roof and we're having trouble getting her down.
Then when I call you from the airport you could of told me, The Fire Department was there and scared her off the roof and the cat died when it hit the ground.
Brother 2: I'm sorry...you're right...that was insensitive I won't let it happen again.
Brother 1: Alright, alright, forget about it. Anyway, how is Mom doing?
Brother 2: She's up on the roof and we're having trouble getting her down.
Edited by Derek M5
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The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
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Goldryder
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Illegitimi Non Carborundum
Joined: 02-April-2004
Location: Acomb, North Yorkshire
Status: Offline
Points: 5301
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Posted: 03-June-2005 at 06:54 |
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October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding
March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise
October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise
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IamSpartacus
Moderator Group
Joined: 21-November-2002
Location: Singapore
Status: Offline
Points: 3625
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Posted: 03-June-2005 at 06:58 |
It's the way I tell 'em
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The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
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Goldryder
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Illegitimi Non Carborundum
Joined: 02-April-2004
Location: Acomb, North Yorkshire
Status: Offline
Points: 5301
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Posted: 03-June-2005 at 07:04 |
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October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding
March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise
October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise
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IamSpartacus
Moderator Group
Joined: 21-November-2002
Location: Singapore
Status: Offline
Points: 3625
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Posted: 03-June-2005 at 07:23 |
All me own....
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The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
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Goldryder
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Illegitimi Non Carborundum
Joined: 02-April-2004
Location: Acomb, North Yorkshire
Status: Offline
Points: 5301
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Posted: 03-June-2005 at 07:28 |
Derek M5 wrote:
All me own.... |
Well lets face it, no-one else would dare own up to it
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October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding
March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise
October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise
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Goldryder
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Illegitimi Non Carborundum
Joined: 02-April-2004
Location: Acomb, North Yorkshire
Status: Offline
Points: 5301
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Posted: 03-June-2005 at 07:36 |
ha..you thought the blinking eyes were bad, try looking into these then...
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October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding
March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise
October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise
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IamSpartacus
Moderator Group
Joined: 21-November-2002
Location: Singapore
Status: Offline
Points: 3625
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Posted: 03-June-2005 at 07:36 |
A wise man once said... "Be proud of what you think you are regardless of any evidence to the contrary"
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The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
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Goldryder
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Illegitimi Non Carborundum
Joined: 02-April-2004
Location: Acomb, North Yorkshire
Status: Offline
Points: 5301
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Posted: 03-June-2005 at 07:36 |
Derek, sat at his desk...
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October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding
March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise
October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise
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IamSpartacus
Moderator Group
Joined: 21-November-2002
Location: Singapore
Status: Offline
Points: 3625
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Posted: 03-June-2005 at 07:37 |
Q. How do you know when a woman is going to say something smart? A. It will start with "He said..."
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The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
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Goldryder
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Illegitimi Non Carborundum
Joined: 02-April-2004
Location: Acomb, North Yorkshire
Status: Offline
Points: 5301
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Posted: 03-June-2005 at 07:38 |
Did you pack the dog, Quentin?
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October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding
March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise
October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise
|
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Goldryder
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Illegitimi Non Carborundum
Joined: 02-April-2004
Location: Acomb, North Yorkshire
Status: Offline
Points: 5301
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Posted: 03-June-2005 at 07:41 |
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October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding
March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise
October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise
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IamSpartacus
Moderator Group
Joined: 21-November-2002
Location: Singapore
Status: Offline
Points: 3625
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Posted: 03-June-2005 at 07:43 |
Mrs. Smith’s elderly husband doesn't feel well so she takes him to the dr. Mr. Smith leaves her in the waiting room for a while. Finally the Dr. comes and says, "Mrs. Smith I’m sorry to tell you that your husband is going to die." Mrs. Smith says, "Dr. is there anything I can do?" the Dr. told her "well there is a couple of things you could do: First you could cook him a wonderful dinner every night. Second you could give him a nice back rub every night. Third you could make love to him like you never have before every night." Mrs. Smith says ok. A little while later Mr. Smith comes out and asks Mrs. Smith "what did the Dr. say?" Mrs. Smith says, "I’m sorry honey but you are going to die."
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The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
|
|
Goldryder
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Illegitimi Non Carborundum
Joined: 02-April-2004
Location: Acomb, North Yorkshire
Status: Offline
Points: 5301
|
Posted: 03-June-2005 at 07:45 |
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October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding
March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise
October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise
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IamSpartacus
Moderator Group
Joined: 21-November-2002
Location: Singapore
Status: Offline
Points: 3625
|
Posted: 03-June-2005 at 07:51 |
While taxiing at London Gatwick, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.
An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between 'C' and 'D', but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"
"Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out in Gatwick was definitely running high.
Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking:
"Wasn't I married to you once?"
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The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
|
|
Goldryder
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Illegitimi Non Carborundum
Joined: 02-April-2004
Location: Acomb, North Yorkshire
Status: Offline
Points: 5301
|
Posted: 03-June-2005 at 07:52 |
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October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding
March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise
October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise
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