The Neverending Thread

A young boy has just got his driver`s license and enquired of his father, an evangelist, if they could discuss his use of the car. his father said," I`ll make a deal with you. you bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we`ll talk about the car."

Well, the boy thought about that for a moment, and decided that he`d settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks they went into the study, where his father said, " Son, I`ve been real proud, You brought your grades up, and I`ve observed that you have been studying your Bible, and participating a lot more in the Bible study groups. But I`m disappointed, since you havn`t got your hair cut.

The young man paused a moment, and then said, "You know Dad I`ve been thinking about that, and I`ve noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and theres even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair."

To this his father replied: " Did you also notice that they also walked everywhere they went?"

Santa was delivering gifts as usual, when at one house a beautiful young woman was awaiting his arrival. She begged him to stay and cuddle with her on the couch. Santa declined, saying "Ho -ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents, you know."

Trying again, the lovely young thing removed her clothing down to her underwear. "OH Santa, won't you please stay?" she queried . Taking a long look, Santa sighed and said "Ho- ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents you know."

Not to be denied, this gorgeous female stripped off every stitch of remaining clothing, smiled and said invitingly "Oh, Santa, please reconsider? Stay with me?"

With a pained look on his face, Santa groaned and said "Ho - ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents you know." And with that, he turned and left. Several minutes passed, and Santa re-appeared, plopping himself down on the couch next to the beautiful woman.

"Santa---you decided to stay??" she asked.

Santa grinned, looking at his crotch and said "Hey - hey, gotta stay. Can't get up the chimney anyway!"

Grandpa watched Tommy pull a worm out of the ground and told him that he would give him 10 bucks if he could put it back in.

Tommy left for a bit and said "Ok Grandpa, watch this". Tommy then pushed the worm right back down in the hole.

The Grandpa got out the 10 dollars and gave it to Tommy.

Tommy said "Grandpa I can't keep this because I cheated. I sprayed the worm with hair spray. That's why I was able to do that."

Grandpa said "No, you keep it."

The next morning at breakfast Grandpa walked up to Tommy and gave him another 10 bucks.

Tommy said "No Grandpa. You already paid me."

Grandpa replied "That money was from Grandma."

Deadliest virus on the planet

CLICKY

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 200 m2 house to a depth of 10 cm.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust balls and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.  

3. A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.  

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 20 Kg boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 6m x 6m room.  

5. You should not throw cricket balls up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a cricket ball a long way.  

6. The glass in windows (even double-glazed) doesn't stop a cricket ball hit by a ceiling fan.  

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late.  

8. Brake fluid mixed with bleach makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies,  

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4- year old Boy.  

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.  

12. Super glue is forever.  

13. No matter how many jelly crystals you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.  

14. Pool filters do not like jelly crystals.  

15. VCR's do not eject 'BL&T' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.  

17. Marbles in petrol tanks make lots of noise when driving.  

18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that smell is.  

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.  

20. The fire department in Brisbane, Qld, has a 5-minute response time.  

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.  

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.  

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy. 

80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

80% of Men who read this will try mixing the bleach and brake fluid.