E34 wins coveted award!

Nope-can't say I've noticed any such threads-then again, 540i love is blind, although M5 love is more akin to blind lust I imagine

540 V8 wrote: Derek, I admire you humour and your car! OK, there, I said it!! have it your way! LOL

Why thank you kind sir, I'd considered going 'professional' though I've been told by some that I'm a prostitute already and as such didn't need to?

540 V8 wrote: At the end of the day, it's the e34 that won the award, not any particular model. We all have the same shape and we are all proud of what we have. Some may be jealous of others, but at the end of the day, if you love it and it loves you, then there is no need to argue! No coats need grabbing. Come on lads, lets get the drinks in

I do agree, and as you'll see, it was a mere twelve days ago that I made such a statement!

[QUOTE=Derek M5]Posted: 14-September-2006 at 10:22 | IP Logged

Feck me you 540 lot are a sensitive bunch!

The point I was trying perhaps none too subtley put across is that it's the E34 - in all of it's guises that won the award because they are utterly superb cars!

I'm not sure (E30 owners look away now) BMW have made anything as strong or enduring before or after it.

The sad fact of the matter is, your avarage spanner monkey won't be able to maintain an E34 M5 due to it's added complexities so in fact the award probably goes to the E34 not including the M5? [QUOTE]

Make mine a large one, the beers are on the 540 mob.................

Can't believe It !

I thought all 540 and M5 owners were clean living tee-totallers and pinnacles of society.

Thought it was the e30 mob and those that have ascended as far as 525's casting off their low born status that were into drunken debauchery!

Oops I'm one of them though aren't I 

There's hope for me yet !

My dad used to drive old (but now thought of as classic!) Vauxhall viva's with fake, brown plastic leather and they always smelled of burnt carpet and weld, mainly because that's what they were made of! lol. Oh, he did once have a Talbot Alpine, the engine blew up so he bought another, then the engine blew up (did I just say that?, too much....*hic*  to drink...*hic*)

The mental scars slowly healed after I got my first beemer, then once I christened my 540 on the M40 after buying it, the drinking began and all my mental torture was drowned away.  Of course I don't drink and drive, but rather have a drive, then drink, to help me forget my murky, old banger riddled past.

You'll be pleased to know he now drives a transit (a milk delivery vehicle, coz he's a milkman!!) so I have no reason to fear him anymore. After all, white van men love our beemers, don't they?

......................................?

lads?..........................................

Seriously though, 540's are a wolf in sheeps clothing, M5's are the wolf, after a good night out, without clothing, mildly intoxicated on absynth. i.e. needing fresh air, perfectly in control but venom running through his veins!

Of course the good thing is, wolfs can out run most other animals, pigs being the most important!

Right, who's for a pint?

Mike

Christ! this is still going - haven't you all got homes to go to?

Like you comment about ......go all blurry like the opening credits to Buck Rogers......

An M5 at FULL BEANS is something else and as for a M5 in tunels...well thats just another dimension (windows down sunroof open - engauge). But around town they are not happy its says things to me (cause I've got a telepathic link with mine)

M5 - What are you doing in 4th gear in town at 30mph

Graham - I need a pint of milk

M5 - Pint of milk! - you poof get me on the bypass and lets go to the next town to get it, and pick up a scooby or two while we're at it.

Graham - but that will take half an hour and half a tank of fuel!

M5 - Do I look like I give a f***

Graham - But.....

M5 - But nothing lets get it on.......

Do I need to see a Doctor?

Derek-the symptoms you describe are entirely normal-they are due to what you have correctly identified as an Automatic Telepathic Link, which is a non-optional & compulsorily fitted device on all BMW's above a certain Power/Weight ratio that have 6 or more screaming cylinders.

It works by filling the cabin with an aura of 'uneasiness', a kind of 'this doesn't feel quite right' sensation, and becomes progressively more noticeable as the road speed reduces and higher gears are selected, and is at it's maximum when the fuel gauge is at or near full, and the car windows are shut.

The only way to 'reset' the link correctly is to drop the gears, nail the throttle, open the windows, and then 'proceed' in this manner until the fuel gauge drops below quarter.

There is also a 'visual recognition device' also fitted, which again resets the link when the driver's facial expression has altered to a manic, wild grin, which must be maintained for more than 30 consecutive minutes, or until the red 'low fuel light' illuminates, whichever is the sooner.

Only then will the link be reset

If the link appears not to be resetting itself, it is not due to any failure of the Automatic Telepathic Link, as these have never been known to fail.

The fault is with the driver, who is advised to seek psychiatric counselling, and to attend courses on how to actually enjoy life.

Further Philosophical Counselling will also be provided, where the patient will be repeatedly asked to analyse the German philosopher Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe's phrase 'That which you do not use is a heavy Burden', whereupon a multi-choice question will be presented, having only 2 answers:-

1) 518i automatic

2) M5

Failure to match the car to the correct driving style will result in the owner being committed to an institution where he/she will be provided with a comfortable rubber room and a nice jacket that will prevent any self-harm.

To aid in convalescence/recovery, aural stimulation will be provided be utilising recordings of M5 engines bouncing off the rev limiter through tunnels, and visual stimulation will take the form of pictures of the faces of M5 owners grinning insanely during the associated driving manouevres.

You watch Tony Blair's health system try and provide THAT

Alex